tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-37684583689976497792024-02-19T12:33:51.635+05:30just psychobabblereprints of articles published in magazinesDr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-61307750170793066082010-02-13T12:23:00.002+05:302010-02-13T12:23:33.706+05:30From: Inbox 1305<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBjz7nLrYmK6SzaNs5mNKd72DVpf4VmLurotzS15uCemux2XjyBTC2HC3WwMYFUr2tFhY7p10_n5jZAn8qmQAec8qpI35iSHcU2KgEYuqvsQveeLlZ9N6uilwaBXVUgg-XevHPlHuKJ662/s1600-h/ScannedImage-7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ct="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBjz7nLrYmK6SzaNs5mNKd72DVpf4VmLurotzS15uCemux2XjyBTC2HC3WwMYFUr2tFhY7p10_n5jZAn8qmQAec8qpI35iSHcU2KgEYuqvsQveeLlZ9N6uilwaBXVUgg-XevHPlHuKJ662/s320/ScannedImage-7.jpg" /></a></div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-6161384343438277932009-12-15T23:11:00.002+05:302009-12-15T23:11:43.280+05:30to flirt or not to flirt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJNeUDNQQe8gQRyR3Yu_FnmM4ali1HKkbNgL6JLM8WqPf4QJ6DOAjoOsWhxJkwEuMDUZTBjEovBT2cmGp-BBpbRXO646DELQS8F5s5jP8EgF4IQ2UxkHKBkJ2NZeUv4HLmH-J3TRuzrzoT/s1600-h/ScannedImage-6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJNeUDNQQe8gQRyR3Yu_FnmM4ali1HKkbNgL6JLM8WqPf4QJ6DOAjoOsWhxJkwEuMDUZTBjEovBT2cmGp-BBpbRXO646DELQS8F5s5jP8EgF4IQ2UxkHKBkJ2NZeUv4HLmH-J3TRuzrzoT/s320/ScannedImage-6.jpg" /></a><br />
</div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-82506034268212873112009-05-19T01:31:00.004+05:302009-05-19T01:35:50.598+05:30Helping Srilankan TamilsNow that the war in Srilanka is over and done with, it is time to plunge into some relief and rehab work for the Tamils. Psychiatric Services and Research Foundation is networking with other individuals and organizations to offer medical/pscyhiatric aid to the victims. Anyone interested in some voluntary work can chip in their share. All forms of help are most welcome:)Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-39547707505538406832009-04-12T00:50:00.001+05:302009-04-12T00:50:43.411+05:30election specialThe Election is round the corner and we need to choose the right leaders to represent us. After all we live in one of the largest democracies of the world. And in a democracy, we get to choose the person that we would like to represent us.<br />What kind of person would you like to represent yourself? Somebody with your kind of attitude, intelligence, ideas and dreams or someone who is very different from you? Of course, most of us, would like to choose representatives who are intelligent, culturally rooted, fearless, well-mannered and trustworthy.<br />But how can we test the candidates and find out if they have such qualities? Well, psychiatry has devised some real smart tests to find out if your candidate is good enough to be elected. Let’s just apply these tests for fun and check out our candidates:<br />1. TEST FOR INTELLIGENCE:<br />The most important aspect of intelligence is the ability to think in an abstract manner. Abstraction is the ability to conceptualize things that have no form and to find deeper meanings in things. In some classic intelligence tests, the testee is asked to tell the similarity between an orange and an apple, a pen and a pencil, a table and a chair, a poem and a painting, a seed and a man, etc. <br />Immature individuals with less intelligence usually say the differences, such as “The orange is yellow, the apple is red. You need to remove the skin of the orange, whereas you are eat an apple with its skin.” Or “you sit on a chair, but you don’t sit on a table.” In all such cases, the testee is only able to tell the ways in which the two items are different. <br />Individuals with slightly higher levels of intelligence talk about the functions of the objects. Or their merits and demerits. For example, “A table is to write on and a chair is to sit on. The poem is written, but the painting is drawn. The seed is small, man is big, man eats the seed” are the usual explanations given.<br />It is only those individuals with high intelligence who immediately notice the similarity. They promptly say, “An orange and apple, they are both fruits. A pen and pencil are both stationery items. Table and chair are furniture, poem and painting are both works of art. A seed and man are both living things”<br />So you see folks, it is only the intelligent mind that can make abstractions and see the ultimate similarity among two dissimilar items. It is only an intelligent politician who will say, “Hindu and Muslim, they are both humans”, whereas a dumb politician would probably cite differences instead of similarities.<br />So check out your politician, if s/he says “Every life has equal value, irrespective of its caste, creed, colour, gender or affiliation,” then you can immediately know that s/he is intelligent enough to be your representative. But if your politician is dumb or reckless and says crazy things like, “If somebody lifts a hand against Hindus, or thinks they are weak, there is nobody behind them, then I swear on the Bhagavad Gita that I will cut off that hand". Or "All the Hindus stay on this side and send the others to Pakistan”, then we know the guy is not even leader material, whose ever great grandson, grandson or son he is.<br /><br />2. TEST FOR CULTURAL ROOTEDNESS:<br />Several eons ago, what now is called India, was actually a part of Africa. The land mass broke away and drifted up the oceans. It docked itself below another landmass called Asia; the sea in between the two land masses cooled, rose high and froze into mountains. Today we call these mountains the Himalayas. From the top of the mountain, the ice melts and forms the Ganga, considered to be a holy river. But underneath, the Himalayas contains the bones and shells of all those sea animals that got trapped in the mountain ranges. <br />What we consider as one country today, was actually part of another country before. For example in Asoka’s time, Kalinga was not part of Magadha. He had to wage a war to annex that territory. But both these kingdoms are today part of another bigger sovereign state called India. <br />Before 1947 people living in Lahore, considered themselves to be Indian. But after 1947, their nationality and identity changed. They were no longer Indian. A new country had emerged. It was called Pakisthan. And so the people in Lahore, had to change their nationality to Pakistani. But they were the same people, living in the same area. Just their label had changed. Nothing else. <br />Let’s also consider this. Until about 6th century AD, most Indians were either practising Jainism or Buddhism. Vedic religions were not popular then. But after the 7th and 8th century the same people who practised Buddhism and Jainism gradually converted to newer religions such as Saivism and Vainavism. These same people after a few centuries, converted to Islam due to the invasion of the Mughals in the north and the Arab traders in the south. Some others converted to Christianity after the influence of the British, and Portuguese invaders. Under all these various religious labels, the people have always been the same. Just their faith changed. That’s all.<br />We do not know what the future has in hold for us. New labels get created all the time, in the name of region, religion, language, creed, community and what not. But underneath all these different labels, all humans are the same. We all came from the same ancestor; we all are of the same blood.<br />If your politician is aware of this rich Indian heritage, and understands that different faiths can peacefully co-exist here, then he is fit to be your leader. If he is some half baked upstart who talks about “Maharashtra is only for Maharashtrians, all your people from other parts of India, get out of this city,” then you know he is not the right candidate for you.<br />3. TEST FOR FEARLESSNESS:<br />A true leader must be able to face conflicts and handle difficult situations deftly. S/he must be able to negotiate peace and patch up fragments. S/he must be able to take critical situations in her/his stride and move on with the business of running the government smoothly and efficiently.<br />There may be a tsunami, an earthquake, or a major difference of opinion among the population, some may support one line of thought and other may oppose it, there may be tension and stress. But a true leader must be able to go to the battle field and face the circumstances bravely. If your candidate is known to take such courageous steps, then s/he is the one for you. But if the said candidate is someone who pretends to fall ill and gets admitted in some hospital for some fictitious illness that needs no treatment, yet undergoes some major “complicated, life threatening surgery” when severe conflicts rage in his territory, then you know, your candidate is not even brave enough to face challenges. S/he is probably not even fit to represent you. Her/his health is so precarious that you ought to find a healthier representative to do the difficult job of leading the nation.<br />4. TEST FOR MANNERS:<br />Governance is very serious business. It involves a lot of media attention. Not to mention the money, the strings of power and the infinite possibilities to better the quality of life of the hapless voters. Any individual involved in such an important business must have some morality, ethics and basic manners.<br />Check out your candidate and find out if s/he has adequate integrity? Any immoral acts? Dishonesty in personal or public life? Promiscuity? Criminal record? Does the person tend to lie through his/her teeth and cover up deficiencies with sweet talk and oodles of charm? <br />How does the candidate talk about his opponents? Does s/he treat them with due respect, dignity and courtesy or does s/he treat him/her with disdain, contempt and mockery?<br />Gentle banter and leg pulling in the name of good clean humour is all okay. But does your candidate get down to mudslinging and behave petty? Does your candidate offer praise where it is due and tone down criticism even when it is deserved? Does your candidate know to play the game in the spirit of the game, or does s/he behave like a spoilt brat who cannot take no for an answer.<br />If your candidate is morally upright, ethically sound and well mannered, then s/he is the right choice to represent you. But if the candidate has serious flaws then you might have to reject his candidature. No point in having someone so worthless represent you, is there?<br />5. TEST FOR TRUSTWORTHINESS:<br />When difficult circumstances arise, then would your candidate stand for the truth, come what may? Is his/her integrity beyond all doubt? Does s/he keep up her/his words? Is s/he known to be nepotistic? Does this person curry favours for his/her own kith and kin and makes sure that his/her family gets all the benefits of powerdom? <br />Even Fidel Castro, the famous communist leader of Cuba, did not want to let power slip into the hands of nonfamily. When Fidel was sick and bedridden, he quickly transferred all his Presidenthood to his brother Raul Castro. Not to an able outsider. Not to any other efficient comrade who had fought grave battles for him. When it came to power, even the popular communist hero, who was against all private ownership decided to hand over charges only to his own blood brother.<br />Even in our own country, we find blatant exhibits of nepotism - most politicians field their own children into fresh elections. If their children are not of contestable age, then they settle for their submissive wives. If there is no wife, then the politician would typically settle for some dumb, subservient wife-like man to play puppet. All that matters to them is, by some means to hold on to the power within their reach.<br />If your candidate is so selfish and nepotistic, then how well would s/he serve you as a leader? So do consider the nepotism ratio before you decide to cast your vote for your candidate.<br />Well, people, these are some of the fun tests that you can apply to check out the votability of your favourite candidates. If you find someone who fits the bill at least by the long shot, then go ahead and make him your representative. If you think there is no one good enough to represent you, then mention that to the polling officer. This election gives you the liberty not to vote too! Thank the EC for small mercies!Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-361082590822398552009-04-07T14:03:00.002+05:302009-04-07T14:15:46.065+05:30Colour Discrimination<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkgGc7NWpDWyziPR2PCqoS2uA2oQNOp2pzKfUewd1NQ4DRsouSFeZ0Afpit9Ic4ghg-s-fGRqRgrZ1Dwm7canIEAy5mbyAr4pS4oxG3cTBvVD9X-_Ni6TSvqDmW4-hRekrBSmvzcqbQ2d6/s1600-h/ScannedImage-18.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 147px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkgGc7NWpDWyziPR2PCqoS2uA2oQNOp2pzKfUewd1NQ4DRsouSFeZ0Afpit9Ic4ghg-s-fGRqRgrZ1Dwm7canIEAy5mbyAr4pS4oxG3cTBvVD9X-_Ni6TSvqDmW4-hRekrBSmvzcqbQ2d6/s200/ScannedImage-18.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321865440117460114" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDgPrygt20-1JAciSiojvT7RwFPeb8zP0oFPNvw2UpS5xdxd-ufmGDSZdq_GgbKFkV5n0wjEDtQjEB4YFWKUTZBQlXl-8BPZz2kQiChlAZ5ck5MUFSfz2ywa400sqONkpQudMJuM3nMtq9/s1600-h/ScannedImage-19.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 146px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDgPrygt20-1JAciSiojvT7RwFPeb8zP0oFPNvw2UpS5xdxd-ufmGDSZdq_GgbKFkV5n0wjEDtQjEB4YFWKUTZBQlXl-8BPZz2kQiChlAZ5ck5MUFSfz2ywa400sqONkpQudMJuM3nMtq9/s200/ScannedImage-19.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321865436367898530" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWWa3-vuDbqwagrAPX3OAEDgrjQzcmFfh_CCkOFXwhOU_JjNUk0HbGXzhk3rsynOPQi0AyXWcwdjwI2hdtTG4nHkpDGNJgPrDMeWd25k4AR2kmMsmyuV8jGqgaEKGk4BBKR06ScXfo2c-7/s1600-h/ScannedImage-20.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 136px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWWa3-vuDbqwagrAPX3OAEDgrjQzcmFfh_CCkOFXwhOU_JjNUk0HbGXzhk3rsynOPQi0AyXWcwdjwI2hdtTG4nHkpDGNJgPrDMeWd25k4AR2kmMsmyuV8jGqgaEKGk4BBKR06ScXfo2c-7/s200/ScannedImage-20.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321865419368336338" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9Iq9XhQ0R-DynOw7L9lxHCHnEEjJMz_dU8wMVkKyKYF6Hr1knQcs55W0VguDbgh8wxdiBDmZOlU7oNVhYojbWXaMFz7qT3W2RYryPlzpIPkmsuRUvpi2VWG292qYU2rHH3Uw9DIYNqkTq/s1600-h/ScannedImage-21.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 144px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9Iq9XhQ0R-DynOw7L9lxHCHnEEjJMz_dU8wMVkKyKYF6Hr1knQcs55W0VguDbgh8wxdiBDmZOlU7oNVhYojbWXaMFz7qT3W2RYryPlzpIPkmsuRUvpi2VWG292qYU2rHH3Uw9DIYNqkTq/s200/ScannedImage-21.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5321865412253491746" /></a>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-25804862987811172082009-04-02T15:05:00.002+05:302009-04-02T15:10:41.974+05:30Love....<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx2Z2YIxL2L9soX2q-WYJW9hVGjyFXFVMwDk2VXOY1UfobPnVrRw_prG71gPZ_b5zjMshrtSgqOMgmamuHl-CGgJZnDfIYwrrJV6tZskpQGqlEhcWUHKkTg-aSaD0VQDbQQRIqkZASKvgT/s1600-h/ScannedImage-14.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 144px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx2Z2YIxL2L9soX2q-WYJW9hVGjyFXFVMwDk2VXOY1UfobPnVrRw_prG71gPZ_b5zjMshrtSgqOMgmamuHl-CGgJZnDfIYwrrJV6tZskpQGqlEhcWUHKkTg-aSaD0VQDbQQRIqkZASKvgT/s200/ScannedImage-14.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320025960773512738" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhCb9WnHF3v8LGInsgtjxJzhxjc4MRLGhLdmrQn9-UDeqz3Hyc0TnojySfuVF2Z3HyPjP_gv62cva0apEs6S75i-ecYoK0GeGsePwsKdM3jGy18-wkXIyrsB_GSKJT4qiCMzGervYjFDJh/s1600-h/ScannedImage-15.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 146px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhCb9WnHF3v8LGInsgtjxJzhxjc4MRLGhLdmrQn9-UDeqz3Hyc0TnojySfuVF2Z3HyPjP_gv62cva0apEs6S75i-ecYoK0GeGsePwsKdM3jGy18-wkXIyrsB_GSKJT4qiCMzGervYjFDJh/s200/ScannedImage-15.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320025956006577602" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNH1smxxTddb6I582_r_U7jGv2hEi-i1R6b4wwfwDeSJcf7Wvn4F3VBA6P7yedZlGiOR1aXjUDIHkeyhxJgJGMirDWX-yKi8axCa2lXKeGAQR9Az5a9ykOyHJjtibzgYmzBsaU2OEGzAVm/s1600-h/ScannedImage-16.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 134px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjNH1smxxTddb6I582_r_U7jGv2hEi-i1R6b4wwfwDeSJcf7Wvn4F3VBA6P7yedZlGiOR1aXjUDIHkeyhxJgJGMirDWX-yKi8axCa2lXKeGAQR9Az5a9ykOyHJjtibzgYmzBsaU2OEGzAVm/s200/ScannedImage-16.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320025952043655762" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpsyhjn9odUFqY-zZrHrYWPmSzshsJCaYlBLZohaKM4vdmXDnWJ3vvI2BPe6w9bmjWfX6MPCGtZ06Hw0sfBxesEm_KbSk6qXQjaCn91ZWR_FKgRTTepBDrG3cF0LLebFTC7oJKhmozU0Nu/s1600-h/ScannedImage-17.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 142px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpsyhjn9odUFqY-zZrHrYWPmSzshsJCaYlBLZohaKM4vdmXDnWJ3vvI2BPe6w9bmjWfX6MPCGtZ06Hw0sfBxesEm_KbSk6qXQjaCn91ZWR_FKgRTTepBDrG3cF0LLebFTC7oJKhmozU0Nu/s200/ScannedImage-17.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5320025952053053986" /></a>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-52790228369785272712009-03-13T23:09:00.000+05:302009-03-13T23:10:54.050+05:30Mangalore Pub IncidentSurely you must have heard of the Mangalore Pub incident that happened a few weeks ago. Few girls had been to a pub and that was sufficient to annoy some guys who called themselves, Sri Ram Senaiks. The troopers just walked into the pub, pulled up the girls, called them bad names, slapped them, pushed them, taunted them and literally sent them crying out on to the streets, barefoot and all.<br />And here we are celebrating yet another International Woman’s Day. Well, time to take stock of the situation, and try to understand why such things happen to the Bharatiya Nari even in the year 2009?<br />To be fair to the Sri Ram Senaiks, pubbing indirectly means alcohol consumption. Alcohol consumption is unhealthy beyond a point, and is quite objectionable. But then Indian men have been drinking alcohol for so many years now. On any street in Tamilnadu, you’d find drunken men weaving their way to the nearest TASMAC shop for more booze. Why did the Sri Ram Seninks just ignore these men who drink? Don’t they care for the Bharatiya Naras as much as they care about the Naris? <br />Even considering that the SRS guys have great care and concern for the women of this nation, why did they barge into a pub? And why did they bash up the girls lounging there? Is it because they believed that women drinking alcohol is against the Indian ethic? If that is the case, then one only has to read the ancient Indian scriptures, such as the Rig Veda. Almost every stanza of the Rig talks about the bliss of the Soma Juice and it is obvious that Soma juice was drunk by both the men and the women of the Rig times. Down south, the famous Tamil poetess Avvaiyar has sung songs in praise of a king who offers her good wine to drink. So, it is not like alcohol and women never mixed in the Indian ethic. Ancient Indians were quite aware of the fact that alcohol has no gender barriers.<br />That does not mean that we can endorse alcohol as the next national drink. We know for a fact that irrespective of the gender, alcohol like anything else is dangerous in excess. But it does sound sexist and chauvinistic to prohibit one half of humankind from going to pubs, just because they happen to be of the female gender. Even the famous Indian heritage, ancient as it is, never had such gender bias, ever.<br />So, the real Indian Heritage has nothing to do with gender discriminatory alcohol ban, then what else could have caused the Mangalore Pub incident? Could it be that, girls meet boys in the pubs and that is against the Indian Heritage? Again the answer is no, because the Indian culture is full of festivals and celebrations that are designed to the girls and boys of marriable ages together, be it Holi, Vasant Utsav, Indra Vizha etc, which were the Indian equivalents of Valentine’s Day. Indian tradition has always held love and sex in very high regard. So much so that, Indian temples have explicit images of love making scenes, all aimed at the yet uninitiated youth. Pubbing is only a post modern form of the same old boy meets girl routine that has been sung about repeatedly in all our ancient literature. So, obviously pubbing is not against the Indian ethic.<br />Then why else did the SRS guys get so mad with the girls in the pub? Because they were skimpily dressed, and that is against the Indian ethic? Again the answer is a big no, because ancient Indian women were even more skimpily dressed than the present day girls. All the paintings of ancient Indians, right from the caves in Ajantha and Ellora in West India, to Sitrannavaasal in South India, show the women as bare-chested beauties with minimal clothing. It is a fact that women in South East Asia; Indians, Ceylonese, Malays, Sumatrans, Javanese and Polynesians had all been bare-chested until a few centuries ago. Present day Asians are all very modestly dressed when compared to their ancient day compatriots. And yet, they get abused in the name of Cultural Preservation, why?<br />Is it because, these girls had been whiling their time in the pub when they could have spent the time in more useful ways? Is that what is so anti Indian heritage? Is that what made the Sri Ram Seniks so mad with rage? Again, the answer is a no. Consider, Shankuntala, consider Sita, also do consider Anusuya, these women, Indian, ancient and good girls that they were, were so jobless, that all they ever did for most of their lives was to lounge around the prehistoric trees, pining away for their lovers. It is nothing new and nothing anti Indian, in fact, if our literature is to be believed, whiling was the only time pass for the ancient Bharatiya Nari and so that couldn’t possibly be the reason why the Sri Ram Seniks bashed up the Mangalore girls.<br />So why did they do it? Why did they abuse hapless girls and traumatize them for life?<br />Well, search as we might, the answer cannot be found in the tenets of the Indian Culture, for it has nothing to do with the culture of any particular country. All over the world men, aggregate into mobs and attack women, all in the name of preserving their cultural roots and religious beliefs. In Germany, women who were employed at par with the men were burned alive in the name of the God. It was then called Witch Hunting, and it was considered pre-approved by the religious men. Women were burned in public and no one raised a protest. For anything done in the name of god is considered morally right, even it is obviously wrong.<br />In Algeria, twenty years ago, women who used make up were beaten up and gnashed on their faces, as artificial makeup was considered sacrilegious, it was held to be against the word of God. All of us who have read about ancient Egypt would know that make up was nothing abnormal. It was considered to be a part of the daily routine in ancient Egypt. Yet, when the religious fanatics of Algeria, claimed that makeup was taboo and hence punishable, people just believed them and simply watched as many young women were mutilated for the offence of beautifying themselves.<br />In Afghanistan, the religious men went one step further. Leave alone beautifying, just exposing natural body parts such as the face, hands and feet, of the women was considered sacrilegious. And so Afghan women had to cover themselves up in burkhas that made them formless and faceless.<br />Why do men indulge in such behavior? Why do men in so many parts of the world, try to curtail the autonomy of the women, in the name of religion? All the religions of the world preach peace, equality, tolerance and love for all. Yet why do some men, twist religion and make it seem like the woman is subordinate and needs to be forever under the man’s control?<br />Well, the answer is not religious, it is genetic! Strange as it may sound, it is common knowledge in the world of genetics, that one set of genes can try and manipulate the other in order to increase its chances of survival. For example, some desert spiders practice cannibalism. The female spider eats up the male after he has finished impregnating her. It may sound mean, cruel and immoral, but the truth is: the male spider’s life time gets over immediately after he ejaculates. He would anyway die, that’s how nature has designed him. Living in a desert would mean food scarcity. The pregnant lady spider would need a lot of nutrition to make her little ones grow. Where could she get this nutrition from? The male would any way die, some other insects would anyway make a meal of his body, so what not the spideress herself? It is only going to benefit his own kids….and so it makes complete genetic sense that the lady spider gulps down her mate. This is a genetic strategy to improve the survival of one’s genes.<br />Now what has that got to do with the Mangalore pub incident, you may wonder? Well, it is just that, the male and the female of any species, is always fighting a genetic battle. The male cannot reproduce on his own; he needs to use the female’s resources, her body. But the female does not donate her body to further the male’s genes, unless she is sure that she will get only the best of the genes. This sets a competition among the males. Each male would have to prove to the female that he is the very best, only then will she choose to offer her body to spread his genes. Darwin called this Sexual Selection. And in all species of life on earth, it is female who selects the male, for her body is more precious, because only that is capable of procreation.<br />All the species of males, try to get selected by the female. They grow long tails, beautiful antlers, tusks, plumes, feathers, fins, some even go to the extent of glowing lights to attract the female. The female, plain and inconspicuous as she is in most species, carefully measures up the males and finally chooses the best of the lot. And so the fittest gets to survive.<br />This system works well for all species of life on earth. But the human males are different. They are intelligent, and so they have always tried to find a way out of this problem. As long as the female does the choosing, she would have a genetic upper hand over the male. And Nature has provided the female with a razor sharp brain to sniff the best genes in a jiffy. The real best Alpha man is secure in his confidence, he is sure to win her favours, and so he just lets her be. But those Omega men, who are less than the best are forever insecure, for they know the female would never choose them. And so they devise ways to usurp the women’s power, by making sure that the woman never uses her formidable brain. <br />In all the cultures where the men are backward and fear their own failure, the first thing that they do is deny women, their right to education and the right to interaction with others. With no education and no interaction, the women, quickly lose the sharpness of their brains. They then depend on the men for knowledge and guidance. Without the brain, the woman becomes a mere body and the man who retains his hold on knowledge, now has the power to manipulate her into submission. Ordinarily the woman would object, question or protest such subjugation, because her instincts would scream that this is all against her own survival. <br />To quell her protest, the male uses religion as a weapon. “In the name of god, this is how you should behave…..” the man thus conveniently misuses the concept of the Almighty, to enslave the women. If a stray woman refuses to submit, the male then uses violence, insult and torture, to terrorize the women. Thus shocked into submission, the woman then becomes putty in the hands of the men. And typically such men, ban contraception and quickly start spreading their genes in great numbers. Eventually all the bad genes aggregate, and despite all the men’s effort to spread their lines, such closed civilizations fall, and are easily captured by mightier civilizations. And typically all mighty civilizations are the ones where women enjoy autonomy. For only when the women are free to select the best genes, would the best genes thrive and aggregate to make a mighty civilization.<br />In every culture, there are Alpha men, great and free thinking and Omega men, mean, dumb and nasty. The Alpha men attract the woman without any effort. And so such alpha men treat the women as equals. But the Omega men, cannot attract women on their own, so they invent an imaginary Apha man, some male god, with all kinds of superior endowments, and use him as a lure to attract the women. <br />The real smart women, who use their own minds, who have their own money, and freedom to do as they please, as for example lounge in a pub in some city, are all dangerous in the eyes of such an insecure man. For such smart women would see through his tricks, look down upon him and reject him. Not only that, she would probably tell all other woman, about his dumb tricks and then all the women would join together and collectively reject his genes. The only way out, is to shut her mouth by maiming her physically, or better still psychologically. And the best way to do it is to terrorize her.<br />This is what happened in the Mangalore Pub. In any other closed country, where the government is religious, public is apathetic and the media is weak, such an incident would have indeed worked the trick. The women would well have been subjugated. But thankfully, India is a free country, with vibrant young minds that refuse to buckle under pseudoreligious pressures. And so we are here, analyzing the incident, not its consequences.Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-39556088538193046932008-10-08T00:04:00.001+05:302008-10-08T00:06:42.525+05:30greek loveMan to Man love is considered quite abnormal by some. But this was the regular happening in ancient Greece, Eygpt and Sumeria. So common was this practice of males falling in love and living with other males, that the ancient Greeks considered it very natural. From mythical heroes such as Apollo, Zeus and Achilles to real life men such as Aristotle and Alexander the Great, homosexuality was so common that it was even called “Greek Love.” And Greek love was not frowned upon, it was considered normal. So much so that ancient Greek art, sculpture, literature, mythology and history is full of homosexual references.<br /><br />But ideologies changed over time. Later literature began to view homosexuality as immoral, sinful and abnormal. Religions preached against homosexuality and gradually over the past two thousand years, homosexuality became unacceptable to society. Laws written in the last centuries such as the Indian Penal Code, consider homosexuality an unnatural offence and the perpetrator can be imprisoned for the act.<br /><br />For long people believed that homosexuality was abnormal and hence to be prohibited. But in spite of this strong cultural taboo, homosexuality continued in secrecy. Great writers like Oscar Wilde suffered because of this homosexual leaning, which was at that time a kind of “forbidden love”.<br /><br />But lately science has come up with strong evidences to prove that homosexuality is not unnatural. Several species of animals, such as bees, sheep, birds, monkeys, apes, etc have been found to have spontaneous homosexual bonding. The brain of such homosexual individuals has been found to be quite different from those with heterosexual orientation. Thus it is quite clear that homosexuality is just a natural variation, not a deviation. Much like left handedness. <br /><br />With more and more evidences emerging to show that homosexuality does exist in nature, most countries have shed off their earlier concerns about “unnatural offence” and their legal systems have scraped away the punishments for homosexuality. Many countries even permit homosexual marriages. <br /><br />India is yet to join the list of countries that have thus updated their laws and so in India homosexuality continues to be an offence to this day. Therefore, the homosexual population in India leads a secretive life, still unable to “come out” and openly admit their sexual preference. <br /><br />And in a quirky kind of a way, the gender that bears the brunt of this law is not the male, but the female! Because the society does not permit a man to openly express his homosexual orientation, he is forced to marry a woman to at least “save his face” , fit into the society and make his family proud. But because he is biologically designed to fall in love and be sexual motivated by a man, this husband is usually unable to keep his wife happy. Most wives never know the reason for their husband’s “cold shoulder” behavior, but when they do, the consequences can be quite pathetic.<br /><br />Last year in Kolkatta, a 32 year old wife committed suicide after she discovered that her husband was gay. Apparently she had confronted the husband several times on the issue, but he was never able to change his ways. The wife was tortured mentally and physically. She decided to end her life on the eve of their 5th wedding anniversary.<br /><br />And it is not like the men are happy to thus cheat on their wives. Given a choice, most gay men would prefer to just live with the man they love and never consider marrying a woman. However, outdated laws such as this and the “marry and have a baby, that’s what life’s all about” kind of attitude that Indians still have, force such men into such loveless heterosexual marriages. <br /><br />There are still some other kinds of men who are bisexual. These individuals can make love to a male or a female with equal fervor, because their minds are sexually oriented to both genders. A bisexual man may be married to one woman, but may have extra marital affairs with other men. Either way, the victim is the woman.<br /><br />What could a woman do if she discovers that she has been married to a gay man? Should she tell others or suffer in silence and protect the dignity of her husband, as would befit the “Adarsha Barathya Naari”? Should she walk out and file for a divorce? Does the Indian Marriage act have a clause that makes homosexuality a reason for divorce? Or should she put up with this loveless life and uphold her husband’s place under the Indian sun? Should she try to work the marriage despite all these odds? If there are children, what should she tell them or should she keep it a secret? Is the wife now at risk for sexually transmitted diseases? And what about if the husband only has gay orientation, and always dreams of making love to men but has never done that so far? Just how should a woman deal with a gay husband?<br /><br />Of course, if the husband has been sexually active with another partner, irrespective of the gender, then the wife is at risk for sexually transmitted diseases. The first thing she should do, is meet her doctor, check herself and her husband up and make sure she is safe from STDs. This will take care of her physical health. What about her mental health? This sense of betrayal may scar her emotionally. The wife would benefit from consulting a mental health professional then.<br /><br />ps: copy pasted from INBOX 1305Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-85643822784023489132008-09-02T01:12:00.003+05:302008-09-02T01:18:34.379+05:30Changing GendersMs X is one of those regular girls we’d meet anywhere in India, she was tall, dusky, pretty and smart. And she hated being a woman. She felt her gender gave her no advantages. “How I wish I had been a man! Then I could have gone anywhere, anytime, no questions asked. I’d have so much freedom. No one would stare at my breasts or try to harass me. No periods to worry about! And best of all, I will not need to pretend to be subordinate to men! I can be their equal!”<br /><br />Girls like Ms X are so common, it is a fact the most women today would have preferred to be a boy rather than be a girl. But the curious fact is, nowadays more and more boys have started wanting to become girls. <br /><br />As for example Mr Y. He is a tall, athletic and well made young man. He is intelligent, broad-minded, artistic and quite gentle. One would think girls would just love to spend time with him. But the sad twist is, he does not like to spend time with girls. Mr Y thinks he himself is a girl and likes to spend time with macho men.<br /><br />From his childhood Y had always preferred to play with girls’ dolls; he liked playing with crockery, wearing frilly dresses, long hair and lots of make-up. His mother had found his play-preferences very amusing. She even helped him dress up like a girl and had taken his photographs in frilly costumes. None of those who later saw the picture could guess that the girl in the picture was actually a boy; he looked so girlish. And Y was so proud of that.<br /><br />His father would for the most part ignore the son’s antics. Those days that he actually noticed his son’s effeminate tendencies, father got really angry and scolded him for behaving like a hijra. Little Y never knew what that word meant. But in his heart, he longed to become a girl. Somehow he felt it was just not right for him to be a male. <br /><br />When he turned 14 years, Y started developing hair over his face. He hated that. He wanted to have a flawless skin with no whiskers. He carefully kept shaving his whiskers, and when he was sure his mother would not notice, he even shaved his eyebrows into beautiful arches.<br /><br />By 16 his penis had become bigger and thicker, and his testes had grown big. His voice was beginning to get hoarse and his facial hair started to grow coarse. Y hated all of this. Particularly his penis. Somehow it felt very alien. It just did not seem right. For inside his mind, Y always thought of himself as a beautiful girl. A girl whom men would fall in love with, hold gently and make passionate love to. But this penis thing was a stark reminder that he was not a female. And Y wanted to remove it from his body. It simply did not belong there!<br /><br />Y also started feeling the pangs of first love. He began to feel strongly attracted to a brawny senior in school. He fervently hoped the boy would let his gaze fall on him. But the boy he so much was in love with, did not take Y seriously. He thought Y was weird. A Hijra. Somebody to laugh at, poke fun at and bully mercilessly.<br />The boys in school seemed to realize that Y was different. They started teasing him, pinching his private parts and treated him like a girl. Some teachers even called Y home, “to just spend time with, dancing and having fun.”<br /><br />Y did not like being the butt of every one’s jokes. He did not like being treated like a sex toy. He wanted to be taken seriously. Treated with dignity. But his effeminate movements and graceful gestures made others ridicule him. Even the girls laughed at him.<br /><br />Y did not like going to the men’s bathroom, he felt so shy pulling his pants down in the presence of other boys. And the other boys boo’ed him so much on seeing the only masculine part of his body. Y would have preferred to go to the girl’s bathroom, he felt he belonged there. But the girls believed he was a boy, they never let him even change clothes in Ladies Room during school dramas.<br /><br />It was during one such drama that Y met Z. Z was a boy, but he believed he was a girl. He dressed up like a girl, talked like one and even made gestures like a sensuous dancer. Y felt intensely drawn towards Z. He voluntarily approached Z and said, “I never thought I would meet someone who is so much like me!”<br /><br />Like kindred spirits, Y and Z became thick friends. It was from Z that Y learned that he could stop growing in to a man. By taking shots of female hormones.<br />Y was excited on hearing that he could reverse his masculinity and become a female. “You mean I can have breasts! Like the women!”<br /><br />Y had always wanted to be buxom and sexy. In fact he had on several occasions used padded brassieres and worn women’s clothes. He had even gone out in public dressed like a girl and to his great happiness, found that he could very well pass off as a girl. As long as he spoke softly and took care to apply layers of foundation on his jaws, he would easily pull off a “girl appearance”<br /><br />That he could go in public dressed like a female, made him want to do that permanently. He lost in patience with the “boy’s clothes”. He found that the pretence of behaving like a boy was so taxing. He felt liberated when he was dressed like a female. He wanted that feeling forever, he wanted to convert to a full female.<br /><br />Z told him that to become a full female, he had to undergo Nirvana. Nirvana was a surgery in which a man’s testes and penis would be removed. With the testes gone, his body would no longer secrete male hormones. Then all he had to do was take female hormones to get that rounded appearance of a woman. Laser treatment would help remove all unnecessary hair. Padded brassieres and knickers would make him get that hour-glass shape that he so longed to have.<br /><br />Y felt very enthused on hearing this. He wanted to undergo the Nirvana surgery. But the surgery could only be done after taking psychiatric opinions. That made him meet a psychiatrist. <br /><br />Y explained to the psychiatrist that he had since childhood, always felt that he had been mistakenly born with a wrong body. He felt very feminine inside, but his body forced him to be a male. He did not like that. He wanted to change his body so that it would match his mind. He wanted to become a full female.<br /><br />Since Y strongly believed that he had a mind-body gender mismatch, there were only two ways to resolve the problem. One would be to change his mind, so that his body would then match. Two would be to change the body to match his mind.<br /><br />Although to an outsider, it would seem that changing the mind to suit one’s body is the more acceptable solution to this problem, for people like Y it is not even thinkable. Because people like Y suffer from a strange condition called Gender Identity Disorder. <br /><br />We are all born with sex chromosomes. These are a pair of chromosomes. If one is born with 2X chromosomes we call that individual biological Female Sex. If someone is born with one X and one Y chromosome then that person is biologically of the Male Sex.<br /><br />But this is only a genetic definition. Society gives individuals another choice, an individual can identify oneself with the female gender or the male gender. Gender is a social role; it depends on how society expects a man or woman to behave.<br />If a society allows its men to wear make up and jewelry and dress in colourful costumes, as for example the ancient Egyptian society, then it would seem masculine for a girl to wear makeup. If a society only allows its females to dress up sensuously, and wear dramatic makeup, then it would seem that wearing make-up is feminine behavior. <br /><br />Masculine and feminine behavior has a lot to do with social conditioning. If a society repeatedly keeps telling that cooking is a woman’s job, then it would seem effeminate for a man to cook. Whereas if the same society keeps saying that engineering is a man’s job then the very job would seem masculine.<br />Make-up, clothing, jewelry, cooking or engineering have no actual gender meanings. But it is the society that allots gender- specifications to these neutral entities.<br />What role one chooses depends on one’s gender identity; whether they think of themselves as male or female. <br /><br />In the past people used to believe that genetic sex is destiny. If you were born with 2 X chromosomes, you were a female, no other choices were allowed. But now, we know that in spite of our genes, there does exist a choice. Some individuals choose to identify themselves with the opposite gender; they dress up like the opposite gender and like to have sex with the same sex.<br /><br />Until recently, it was never understood why some people chose to identity with the opposite gender. But now, we have some information. Very interesting one at that. At formation, all babies are originally female, irrespective of their chromosomes. For the first 6 weeks of life inside the uterus, all babies are female. If the child happens to have a Y chromosome in its genetic makeup, then this child’s body forms organs called the Testes. These testes secrete a hormone called testosterone. This hormone then converts the baby’s body into a male. It travels all through the baby’s body and rewires every cell from its original female form to a male form. This entire process is called Masculinization.<br /><br />Most importantly, the testosterone rewires the brain of the little baby and upgrades it into a masculinized Male Brain. Rarely in some cases, the testosterone fails to masculinize the baby’s brain. In these children, the brain remains female as it was originally, whereas the body changes to male -complete with the testes and penis.<br />Because the brain and the mind are female, this child though born with a male’s genitals, thinks of itself as a female. Hence this child prefers all feminine activities, prefers playing with girls and dressing up like them. But when it comes to sexual orientation, they are attracted to males, because in their minds they remain female forever.<br /><br />Since the mind is female, it is nearly impossible to change it to male later on in life. It would be much easier to change the body to female. And that is why many individuals with Gender Identity Disorder prefer to undergo Sexual Reassignment Surgery and convert their bodies into the female form.<br /><br />But converting oneself into the female form is not without adverse effects. For one, after such a conversion, the body loses the ability to secrete testosterone. Sudden dip in the testosterone levels may make the individual feel tired, weak and depressed. Of course, over time the body adapts itself to the lack of testosterone, but it takes weeks to months before this transition can take place.<br /><br />Apart from that, becoming a female makes this individual vulnerable to all the social evils that threaten women. This Nirvanized female is now open to sexual harassment, eve teasing, partner abuse, relationship betrayal and all kinds of other ills that have for long plagued women. The realization that being a woman is not easy after all can make most transgender individuals feel disillusioned and exploited. <br /><br />This may finally help them understand why those biological women born with 2 X chromosomes and all those voluptuous curves hate their gender roles so much. But a free society allows its citizens choices. If any individual chooses to change his/her gender, it can be done. But like all else, every action has its own consequences. If the individual is ready to face the consequences, then science is ready to help them achieve their dreams.Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-88845464653656860372008-07-01T10:57:00.000+05:302008-07-01T10:59:02.385+05:30The Dumb Tamil GirlMrs X and Mr Y are both well educated and are well placed in their careers. They had been in love for over two years and after negotiating talks with their respective families, arranged for their marriage. After about three months of marriage, they landed up in a psychiatric clinic for marital consultation. The reason for consultation was, according to the wife, “He never understands me. I feel so sad. Sometimes I wonder why on earth I got married!” The husband’s r.f.c. was, “She never obeys me doctor. She thinks too much of herself. She has an attitude problem. She is not at all like the ideal Tamil wife. Unless she mends her ways, I think this marriage is going to end up in divorce…”<br />It is not like Mrs X and Mr Y are a rare couple. Nowadays, so many young couples come for consultations, from so many different backgrounds - all for the same reason. Wives are sad and feel unappreciated by the husbands and the husbands are irritated and grumpy as they feel slighted by their wife’s independent thinking. The reason: a gross mismatch in their expectations. Most wives expect a loving, understanding, modern man for a husband. A man who will appreciate her mind as much as he appreciates her body; a man who will respect her as a person and treat her with dignity. Reasonable as this sounds, these expectations directly clash with those of the husbands’.<br />Not all, but most men still expect a subservient, docile and timid wife who will obey her husband no matter what. A wife who will meekly follow her husband’s instructions without offering any suggestions of her own. In case the wife uses her mind a wee bit and gives an idea or offers a suggestion, some men feel affronted. And immediately try to cut the wife back to size by saying, “unakku romba thimir, that is why you are talking like this.” This immediately brings a gush of words and a rush of tears from the wife and there starts many a matrimonial malady!<br />For example, Mrs X had to book a train ticket to visit her parent’s place. She is twenty-eight years old. She has been reserving tickets on her own for years now and so without much ado, she logged on to the website and make an e-booking. When the tickets arrived by courier, the husband got furious, “How dare you book the ticket without my knowledge! Unakku rumba thimiraayiduchchi!” he started scolding her for that. The wife was stumped. What was so wrong about booking one’s own tickets?<br />Well, I asked Mr Y, what was so wrong about it? “There is nothing wrong doctor. But she should have first discussed that with me! Am I not the man of the house? If she goes on like this, taking decisions without first getting my permission, then what respect do I have?”<br />“Did she not tell you about her plans before hand?”<br />“She did, actually we decided on this trip a week ago. But I was under the impression that I’ll make the reservations. That is how it happens in my house. But this girl, she directly went ahead and got the tickets on her own! How dare she do that!”<br />“Does reserving one’s own ticket mean that the wife is disrespecting her husband?”<br />“Not in that sense, but yes, I feel disrespected. If she can do all the man’s work all on her own, then why does she need a husband. To me it seems like she is trying to act too smart and superior. My mother would never have done such a thing. It was always me or my father who would reserve tickets for her. I have never heard of any Tamil girl behaving like this, as if she knows everything.”<br />This idea of the Ideal Tamil Girl is the root cause for so many marital problems. And the sad part is, most men have no idea about the real Tamil Girl, they have never read the right books or spoken to the right people on this subject. All their knowledge comes from the media portrayals of women. And since most media representations show only a mythical version of the Tamil woman, the impossibly timid, shy, docile and imbecile girl, with no capacity to take her own decision, the average male believes that such women do exist in reality. From MGR who sang, “Even if the girl has studied English, this is how she must be in Tamil Nadu….” to later stars like Rajnikanth and Vijay, the matinee idols always keep spreading false ideas about the Tamil women. Which is not surprising, for all these men are not experts on Tamil Anthropology, how could they know about the Real Tamil Woman? <br />One only has to go through Tamil literature through the ages to have a glimpse of the Original Tamil Woman. From the Sangam literature of the second century AD to the Bakti literature of the eighth century to the modern literature of the last century, Tamil women have always been brave, intelligent and witty. Avvaiyar, the poetess not only sang beautiful poetry, but also was a peace maker who negotiated truce between battling kings of early Tamilnadu. Mangaiyarkkarasi, the elder sister of saint Appar was so well versed in the religious scriptures that she taught her brother the greatness of Saivism. Andal the young Vishnu devotee who sang the Thiruppaavai was an excellent poet. Kundavai Devi, the elder sister of Raja Raja Cholan was the woman behind his every success. Rani Velu Nachiyar, the Queen of Sivaganga went to war with the British. And Rani Mangamma ruled Madurai on her own. All these were the Real Tamil women, gutsy, brave and all with a mind of their own.<br />If these were the extraordinary women of Tamil Nadu, the ordinary women were no less smart. In every Tamil household, although to an outsider it seems that the man of the house is making the decisions and heading the family, we all know that it is the woman whose decisions finally win handsdown. Be it the illiterate village woman who saves up money without her alcoholic husband’s knowledge just to make sure that her children get to eat good food, or the city dweller who goes to a boring job just to make ends meet for her family, women have always been enterprising, intelligent and hard working.<br />And it is not by accident that women are so enterprising. The females have by default been designed to be better survivors. Because it is the female that brings forth life, unless she survives, life cannot exist. And so among all species of life on earth today, it is the female of the species that is better suited for survival than the male. For only if a woman knows to survive, any children born to her will survive. <br />That is the reason why women’s education has always been a priority in every governments. For only if a woman is educated and has up to date knowledge about her world, her children will have the benefit of better survival. It is a fact that only those countries that have a female high literacy rate have a good economy, the stock exchange rates in these countries are high. Whereas those countries with poor women’s literacy do not even feature on the stock market. The reason is obvious. Intelligent mothers rear intelligent children, intelligent children have new ideas that sell well, and so the stock markets surge!<br />Such being the case, it is quite sad that young men today, believe in the myth of the Dumb Tamil Girl and force their wives to play that impossible role. They want to control their wife’s every move and push them into dependant, subservient roles. Of course, it is not that these men are mean and hence they want boss over their wives. It is just that, the popular media depicts women as silly sizzies and just like many stereotypes that we learn from the media, men mistakenly believe that such dumb women make better wives.<br />This is completely untrue. Let me give you a real life example. Mrs Q was the just the stuff that Tamil songs sing about, extremely beautiful with oodles of accham, matam, naanam and payirpppu. Her husband told me outright, “I am sick and tired of her doctor, I do not want to live with her anymore!”<br />“Why do you say that?”<br />“She is so dumb doctor, that I have no peace of mind. She is always pestering me for everything. She cannot go to the shop and get the groceries on her own. I need to do that for her. She cannot hail an auto and take the children for a checkup. I have to do that. I am only one person. I have to go to work, take care of paying all bills, I must find time to take care of children, and then I also have to find time to run errands for her. Why can’t she use her brain and do her work on her own? This morning the child fell sick and has been wheezing for hours now. I had got her a cell phone and even taught her to use it. Neither did she take the child to the doctor on her own, nor did she call me! What can I do with a dumb idiot like this? What if I had lost my child! Please you make her alright doctor, otherwise my children are going to suffer because of her stupidity…”<br />This is the reality of the Dumb Tamil Girl. She may be a big massage to your ego. Her innocence and dependence can make a man feel smarter, bigger, braver and better. But the price one has to pay for this ego boost is lifelong loss of peace. And a breed of inadequately mothered dull children.<br />In the past, women were never educated. Even if they did go to school, the day they became a “big girl” they’d drop out. Soon after that they’d get married. They had no employment. They were completely dependent on their husbands for every one of their meals. That dependent role made them treat their husbands like their masters, not out of love, but of fear! The husbands might have enjoyed all the pampering they got from their subservient wives. But the quality of life of the last century Indians was very low. Children died by the millions just because of their mother’s ignorance. Even those children that survived led very low quality lives. India remained a poor country and its people were not very smart. They were invaded by foreigners one after the other. It was only after women’s education became a priority that the quality of life of Indians has improved. Today, what with governmental policies, job opportunities and improved economy, women are making big strides ahead in life. Unlike the women in the past, today’s women are more educated, can put their trained minds to good use, are quite independent and very efficient. The country has spent years of planning and implementation to put Indian women where they stand today. <br />All these efforts were just so that these women make smarter mothers and their children can build a stronger nation. This is the big picture. Once we understand that, we can escape petty egoistic thoughts about keeping the women under control and actually congratulate the wives who reserve their own tickets without nagging their husbands. We can appreciate the women for using their brains and giving their husbands good ideas. We can feel proud that within sixty years of independence we have uplifted our women from illiterate, helpless, easily exploited lots into self-thinking, smart beings who can herald a new era of Indian superpowerdom. <br />An intelligent man will always move with the times. Otherwise, like the dinosaurs that stopped evolving and just went extinct, men will get stuck back in time and get lost in their search for the mythical Dumb Tamil Girl who never exists in the real world.<br />Most men upgrade themselves quickly and learn to look at women as equals. They evolve into better beings and begin to appreciate their wives for their minds and feel proud of their achievements. These men who evolve and adapt to the changing times are the ones that are fit for survival.<br />But then, there are also some other men who still cling on to the past and keep saying, “My mother never did that, my mother never used that…I want my wife to be just like that ” The sad truth is, such men are just proving that they are unfit for survival….for survival is all about adapting to the changes that happen around us. All over the world, women are being uplifted, improved and updated. A fit man will adapt himself to suit these evolved women, and the human race will move ahead in evolutionary times. Those men who refuse to adapt and will not learn, will simply be left behind as losers. <br />Marriage is an ultimate test for survival. Those who are willing to adapt, learn new ways of behavior and move with the times survive and survive well. What about you?Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-78735173860519899842008-05-31T03:41:00.004+05:302008-05-31T03:44:39.588+05:30முதல் பெண்ணியவாதி<p><br />இன்றைய பெண்கள் ரொம்பவே கொடுத்து வைத்தவர்கள், நல்ல வாய்ப்புக்கள், வசதிகள், உரிமைகள், சமூக அந்தஸ்து என்று ஓரளவுக்கு மேன்மையாகவே இருக்கிறது அவர்கள் வாழ்க்கை தரம். ஆனால் இந்த வளம் எல்லாம் ஆகாயத்திலிருந்து தானாய் வந்து குதித்துவிடவில்லை. எத்தனையோ மனிதர்களின் தொடர் போராட்டம் மற்றும் பிரச்சாரத்தின் விளைவாய் தான் இன்றைய பெண்கள் கொஞசமேனும் தன்மானத்தோடு இருக்கமுடிகிறது.<br />இப்படி பெண்களுக்காக போராடியவர்களில் பல பேர் பெண்கள், இவர்கள் தங்களுக்காக தாங்களே குரல் கொடுத்துக்கொண்டவர்கள். ஆனால் தனக்காக என்று இல்லாமல், தான் ஒரு ஆணாக இருந்தபோதும் மிகதீவிரமாக பெண்களின் உரிமைக்காக் போராடிய ஒருவர் இருக்கிறார். அவர் தான் திரு ராமசாமி.<br />ஆனால் ராமசாமி என்றால் யார் என்று இன்று யாருக்கும் தெரிவதில்லை....சாதாரண மனிதர்களை தான் இயற்பெயரால் அழைப்போம். செயற்க்கரிய செய்த பெரும் மனிதர்களை பிரத்தியேக சிறப்பு பெயரால் தானே அழப்போம். இப்படி சிறப்பு பெயர் பயன்படுத்தியே பழகிவிட்டால் காலப்போக்கில் அன்னாரின் இயற்பெயரே மறந்துபோய், சிறப்புபெயரே நிரந்திரமாகி விடுகிறது. திருவாளர் ராமசாமியும் அப்படிப்பட்ட மஹான் தான். இயற்பெயரே மறந்துபோகும் அளவிற்கு பிரசித்தமான அவரது சிறப்பு பெயர் தான் தந்தை பெரியார்.<br />யோசித்து பார்த்தால், புத்தர், கிரிஸ்து, நபி, மஹாத்மா என்ற வரிசையில் தனக்கென்று ஒரு நிரந்தர சிறப்பு பெயர் பெற்றவர் பட்டியலில் தந்தை பெரியாரும் ஒருவர். மற்ற நால்வரை விட பெரியார் வித்தியாசமானவர், அவர்கள் எல்லாம் கடவுளின் பெயரால் பணியாற்றியவர்கள், பெரியாரோ கடவுளே இல்லை என்று பகிரங்கமாய் பிரச்சாரம் செய்த்தற்காக பிரசித்திபெற்றவர்.<br />ஆனால், இந்த பெரியார் என்ற மாமனிதனின் பாடல் பெறாத இன்னொரு முகம் ஒன்று உண்டு. இவர் தான் இந்தியாவின் முதலும், மிக மும்முரமுமான பெண்ணியவாதி.<br />இன்று ஆணுக்கு பெண் சம்ம் என்பது எல்லோராலும் ஒப்புக்கொள்ளப்பட்ட ஒரு சமூக கருத்து. இன்றைய பெண் ஆணுக்கு அடிமை இல்லை, அவளுக்குஆணை போலவே எல்லா சுத்ந்திரமும் உண்டு தான், இந்த பெண் விடுத்லை எல்லாம் சென்ற நூற்றாண்டில் பெரியார் முன் நட்த்திய பெரும் போராட்ட்த்தின் நேரடி விளைவு தான். <br />கடந்த காலத்தின் கேவலங்களை ஒரு முறை நினைவு கூர்ந்தால்....அந்த காலத்தில் பெண்கள் பூப்பெய்வதற்கு முன்பே பாலிய விவாகம் செய்ய பட்டுவிடுவார்கள். இந்த குட்டி மாட்டுப்பெண்ணின் குட்டிக்கணவன், பாம்பு கடித்தோ, காலரா தாக்கியோ, வேறு எப்படியோ அல்பாஅயிசில் மாண்டுபோனான் என்றால், இந்த குட்டி விதவைக்கு எல்லா சம்பிரதாயங்களையும் செய்வித்து, அவளை அமங்களி ஆக்கி முடிந்தால் உடன் கட்டை ஏற்றி, கணவனின் சிதையில் தள்ளிவிடுவார்கள். அப்படி இல்லை என்றால், அந்த குட்டிப்பெண் தன் மித ஜீவனத்தை முழு பிரம்மச்சரியத்தில் கழித்திட வேண்டியது தான். இந்த குட்டி பெண்ணுக்கு மறு வாழ்வு, அடுத்த திருமணம் என்ற பேச்சுக்கே இடமில்லை. பெண்களின் உரிமை என்ற ஒன்றே அபச்சாரமான சொல்லாகத்தான் கருதப்பட்ட்து.<br />அமங்களியான் பெணின் கதி தான் இவ்வள்வு மோசம் என்று பார்த்தால், சுமங்களியாக இருந்த பெண்ளின் நிலையும் மட்டமாகவே இருந்த்து. அந்த காலத்து பெண்களுக்கு எத்தனையோ தடைகள் இருந்தன. அவர்கள் தனியே வெளியே செல்லக்கூடாது, கல்விகற்க்கூடாது, வேலைக்கு போக முடியாது, சுயமாய் சம்பாதிக்க முடியாது, சொத்துரிமை கிடையாது, சுயசம்பாதியத்திற்கு வழி இல்லை, சுயமாய் வாழ்க்கைதுணையை தெர்ந்தெடுக்கும் உரிமையும் கிடையாது. ஆக அவளுக்கு என்று எந்த சுதந்திரமும் கிடையாது. அவள் ஒரு தனி பிரஜையாகவே கருதப்படவில்லை. அவளின் அடையாளம் அப்பா, அண்ணன், கணவன், மகன், என்று ஒரு ஆணின் அடையாளதோடே எப்போதும் பிணைக்கப்பட்டிருந்த்து...காரண்ம், பெண்கள் எல்லாம் பலவீனமானவர்கள், அதனால் அவர்களுக்கு ஒரு ஆணின் பாதுகாப்பு எப்போதுமே அவசியம் என்கிற நம்பிக்கை இருந்து வந்த்து.<br />அந்த காலத்து ஆண்களும் பெண்களை பற்றி பெரிதும் யோசிக்கவே இல்லை. உண்மையை சொல்லப்போனால், பெண்கள் இப்படி இழி நிலையில் இருப்பது தான் நம் கலாச்சார பாரம்பரியம் என்று பெருமைப்பட்டுக்கொண்டார்கள். <br />பாலியவிவாகம் தான் சரி, அப்போது தான் பெணின் கற்பு 100% தூய்மையாய் இருக்கும் என்று பாலகங்காதர திலகரை போன்ற தேசதலைவர்களும் நினைத்தார்கள். <br />ஆனால் பெரியார் ரொம்பவே வித்தியமான மனிதர், மதமெனும் மாயவலையில் மாட்டிக்கொள்ளாத சுயசிந்தனையாளர் அவர். புதிதாய் யோசிக்க தெரிந்த புரட்சியாளர் என்பதனால், ஜாதி, மதம், நிறம், பாலினம், போன்ற மாயைகளை எல்லாம் தாண்டி முதிர்ந்த பகுத்தறிவு சிந்தனை கொண்ட ஞானி அவர். என்னதான் வைணவ சடங்குகள் வழிந்த குடும்பத்தை சேர்ந்த்தவராய் இருந்தாலும், வாய் கிழிய சர்வம் பிரம்ம மயம் என்று அத்வைதத்த்துவம் பேசிவிட்டு, அதே வாயால் ஜாதியின் பெயரால் பாரபட்சம் பேசும் பட்சோந்தித்தனத்தை சிறு வயதிலேயே சகித்துக்கொள்ள முடியாதவர் பெரியார்.<br />ஒரு சராசரி மனிதன் ஆகாயத்தில் பறக்கும் கலனை கற்ப்பனை கூட செய்யமுடியாத காலத்திலேயே ஹெலிகாப்டரை கண்டுபிடித்த லியோனார்டோ ட வின்சியை போல, பெரியாரும், தம் காலத்தை மிஞ்சும் யோசிக்கும் தீர்க்கத்சிந்தனையாளராக இருதார். ஒரு சமூகவிஞ்ஞானியாய், தம் சம்காலத்தவர் சிந்தித்துக்கூட பார்க்க் முடியாத பல புதுமையான வாழ்க்கை முறைகளை முன்வைத்தார். பெண் இயற்கையிலேயே ஆணின் ஆதிக்கத்திற்கு உட்பட்டவள் தான் என்று எல்லோரும் நம்பிக்கொண்டிருந்த காலத்திலேயே, பெண் எல்லா வித்த்திலும் ஆணுக்கு சரி நிகர் சமானம் என்று முதல் முதலில் பெண்ணியம் பேசியவ்ரே தந்தை பெரியார் தான். இந்த மகளிர் சமத்துவத்திற்காக் பல நூதன போராடங்களை மேற்கொண்டு, சமுக அமைப்புகளை எதிர்த்து தாக்கினார். <br />அவர் காலத்தில் பெண் என்றால், அவள் உடல், அழகு, பிள்ளை பெறும் தன்மை, பணிவு, சமையல் திறன், கற்பு, ஆகியவையே போற்றுதலுக்கு உகந்தவை என கருதப்பட்டன. பெரியார் இந்த பட்டியலில் இருந்த எல்லாவற்றையும் சாடினார்.<br />ஆணுக்கு பெண் சம்ம் என்ற பின் பெண் மட்டும் தன் உடலை அழகுப்படுத்தி காட்டி ஆணின் அங்கீகாரத்திற்கு காத்திருக்க வேண்டியதில்லையே. எப்படி ஆண்கள் ஒரு காலத்தில் தாங்க்ள் அணிந்திருந்த கடுக்கன், குண்டலம், ஆகிய்வற்றை கழற்றிவிட்டு, குடுமிகளை வெட்டிக்கொண்டு, திலகம் அணிவதை நிறுத்திக்கொண்டு, இதற்காக், செலவிட்ட காலத்தை உருப்படியாக உபயோகிக்கிறார்களோ, அது போலவே பெண்களும் ஒப்பனைக்காக் செலவிடும் நேரத்தை கொஞசம் பிரயோஜனமாக பயன்படுத்தினால் மேல்; உடை, ஒப்பனை, ஜடை, அலங்காரம் போன்ற வெட்டி வேளைகளில் செலவிடும் நேரத்தை தங்கள் அறிவை மேம்படுத்த பயன்படுத்தினால் தான் பெண்கள் முன்னேற முடியும் என்றார் பெரியார். அதனால், ஆண்கள் அணிகளை துறந்த்தை போலவே பெண்களும் செய்ய வேண்டும், முழம் முழமாய், புடவையை சுற்றிக்கொண்டு தலைப்பு சரியாக இருக்கிறதா, கொசுவம் சரியாக இருக்கிறதா என்று சரி பார்ப்பதிலேயே நேரத்தை வீணடிப்பதை விட, பெண்கள் எல்லாம், ஆண்களை போல, மேலய நாட்டுப்பெண்களை போல, பேண்ட். சட்டை அணிந்துகொண்டு, முடியை வசதியாக கிராப்பு வெட்டிக்கொண்டு, பொட்டு வைக்கும் வெத்து வழக்கத்தை விடுத்து நிம்மதியாக இருக்கலாமே என்று ஐடியா சொன்னார் பெரியார்.<br />பெரியார் பல வெளி நாடுகளுக்கெல்லாம் போய், அங்குள்ள மனிதர்கள் வாழும் வித்த்தை பரிசீலனை செய்து பார்த்து, எது முன்னேற்றத்திற்கு உகந்த்து என்று சீர்தூக்கிப்பார்த்தவர். வளர்ந்த நாடுகளை சேர்ந்த பெண்கள் குட்டி முடியும், இலகு உடைகளையும் அணிவதனால், சவுகரியமாக உணர்வதை கவனித்த பெரியார், தன் துணைவி நாகம்மையையும் அவ்வாறே உடை அணிய சிபாரிசு செய்தார். 1930களிலேயே! பழையன கழித்து, பிரயோஜனமான புதுமைகளை ஸ்வீகரித்துக்கொள்வதில் ஆர்வமுள்ள முற்போக்கு சிந்தனையுள்ளவர் பெரியார். <br />இது போலவே பிள்ளைபேறு பற்றியும், கீழ்படிதலை பற்றியும் பெரியார் மாறுபட்ட கருதுக்களை கொண்டிருந்தார். அவர் பெண்களை வெறும் குட்டிபோடும் யந்திரங்களாக பார்க்கவில்லை, அவர்க்ளை அறிவாளிகளாக பார்க்கவிரும்பினார். அதனால், ஆண்களை போலவே பெண்களூம் நன்றாக படிக்கவேண்டும் என்று ஊக்குவித்தார். இது பற்றி ‘பெண் ஏன் அடிமையானாள்?’ என்கிற் அவரது புத்தகத்தில், பெண்ணின் அறியாமை தான் அவளை அடிமைபடுத்துகிறது, ஆனால் அறிவு அவளை சுதந்திரப்படுத்தும், அதனால் பெண்களை கல்வி பெற்று, பகுத்தறிவோடு வாழ்வேண்டும் என்றார். <br />பெண் என்பவள் அடக்க ஒடுக்கமாய் இருக்க வேண்டியவள் என்கிற போனதலைமுறை எதிர்பார்ப்பை எல்லாம் ஏளனம் செய்தார் பெரியார். தன் நம்பிக்கை இல்லாத கோழைதான் பெண்ணை அடக்கி தன் வீரத்தை காட்டிக்கொள்ள முயல்வான், மற்றபடி நிஜமான வீர ஆண்மகன், பெண்களிடம் கரிசனத்தோடு தான் நடந்துக்கொள்வான் என்றார்.<br />பெண்கள் சமயல் அறையிலேயே முடங்கிக்கிடப்பதை பற்றியும் பெரியாரிக்கு எதிர்ப்பு இருந்த்து. பெண்கள் அடுப்பூதிக்கொண்டு, சதா சமயலே கதி என்று இருப்பதினால் தான் அவர்க்ளது அறிவை உபயோகமாக பயன்படுத்த முடியாமல் போகிறது. அப்படி இல்லாமல், உணவுக்காக என்று தனி மையங்கள் அமைத்து, அங்கிருந்தே எல்லோருக்கும் உண்வு வழங்க ஏற்பாடு செய்துவிட்டால், சமையல் எனும் செக்கிலிருந்து விடுபட்டு, பெண்கள் தங்கள் அறிவை வளர்த்துக்கொள்ள வாய்ப்பு கிடைக்குமே என்று யோசனை தந்தார் தந்தை பெரியார்.<br />தமிழ் பெண்களின் உச்ச்க்கட்ட உண்ர்வான் கற்பை பற்றியும் பெரியார் தெளிவான கருத்துக்களை கொண்டிருந்தார். கற்பு நெறி என்பதெல்லாம், பெண்களை காலாகாலத்திற்கும் ஆணின் அடிமைகளாக்கும் பெரிய சதி. இந்த குறிகிய வட்ட்த்தை விட்டு பெண்கள் வெளியேறி சுயமரியாதையுடன் வாழவேண்டும் என்றார் பெரியார். இதற்காக சுயமரியாதை திருமணங்களை தோற்றுவித்தார். சாதாரண திருமணங்களில், பெண் வெறும் ஒரு பொருள் மாதிரி தகப்பனால் கன்னிகாதானம் செய்து தரப்பட்டு, கணவனிடம் ஒப்படைக்கபடுவாள். ஆணுக்கு பெண் சம்ம் என்ற நிலை வந்த பிறகு, பெண்னண தொரந்து ஏன் ஒரு பொருளாகவே நட்த்தவேண்டும்? தனக்கு பிடித்த துணைவனை தானே தேர்ந்தெடுக்கும் உரிமை அவளுக்கு இருக்க வேண்டுமே. அத்தோடு, அவளை தானமாக தருவதெல்லாம், பெண்ணை அவமான்ப்படுத்தும் செயல் என்பதால், ஆணும் பெண்ணும் சரி நிகராய் சம உரிமையுடன் ஒருவரை மற்றவர் இல்வாழ்க்கை துணையாய் ஒப்பந்தம் செய்துக்கொள்ளும் ஒரு அவுரவமான கண்ணியமான், நவீன திருமணத்தை அறிமுகப்படுத்தினார் பெரியார். இந்த முறையில் ஆணும் பெண்ணும் த்ங்கள் சுய அவுரவத்தை பாதுகாத்துக்கொள்ள முடிந்த்தால், இது சுயமரியாதை திருமணம் என்று பிரபளமானது. ஒன்றும் புரியாத, எப்படியும் பின் பற்றாத வேதங்களை எல்லாம் ஓதிக்கொண்டிருக்காமல், சுயமரியாதை முறையில் சமகாலமொழியில், எல்லோருக்கும் புரியும் விதத்தில் ஒப்பந்தம் செய்துக்கொண்டு இல்வாழ்க்கையில் இணைந்தார்கள் பலர். இன்று வரை தமிழ் படங்கள் எல்லாம் தாலி செண்டிமெண்டை பற்றி ஆஹா ஓஹோ என்று பிதற்றிக்கொண்டிருக்க, அன்றே பெரியார், கால் நடைகளுக்கு தான் ஓடிவிடக்கூடாதென்று ஒரு மூக்கனாங்கயிரு கட்டுவார்கள், பெண் என்ன விளங்கா, அவளுக்கு எதற்கு ஒரு கழுத்து கயிரு என்றார். அப்படியே கயிர் கட்டித்தான் ஆகவேண்டும் என்றால், ஆணும் பெணும் சம்ம் ஆகிவிட்ட காரண்த்தினால், பெண்ணுக்கு ஆண் தாலி கட்டுவதை போல, ஆணுக்கும் பெண் தாலி கட்டலாம், அல்லது, இருவருமே, தாலி கட்டும் அபத்த சடங்கை கைவிடலாம், என்றார்.<br />தாலி இன்றி, வேத மந்திரங்கள் இன்றி, திருமண்ம் செய்தால் அமங்களம் ஆகிவிடுமோ என்று பயந்தவர்கெல்லாம் சீதையையும், தமயந்தியையும், பாஞ்சாலியையும் உதாரணமாய் காட்டினார் பெரியார்.....இந்த பெண்கள் எல்லாம் சாஸ்திர ஸ்ம்பிரதாயப்படி மணம் முடித்தவர்கள் தாம், ஆனால் அதனால் அவர்கள் திருமணம் செழித்துவிடவில்லையே!. இந்த சுயமரியாதை திருமண்ங்கள் சட்ட படி செல்லுபடியாகுமா என்ற சிக்கலும் இருந்த்து. ஆனால் அறிஞர் அண்ணா தமிழகமுதல் அமைச்சரானதும் முதல் வேளையாக இந்த சுயமரியாதை திருமணத்தை சட்டபூர்வமாக்கிவிட்ட்தால், பெரியாரின் இந்த நவீன திருமணம் மிக பிரபலம் ஆனது. அறிவாளிகள் மத்தியில் இந்த திருமணம் அமோக வரவேற்பை பெற ஒரு புது சமுக புரட்சியை ஏற்படுத்தியது.<br />இத்தகைய சுயமரியாதை திருமணத்திற்கு பிறகும், ஒரு பெண்ணுக்கு தன் கண்வனை பிடிக்கவில்லை என்றால், வெறுமனே கல்லானாலும் கணவன் என்ற வெத்து செண்டிமெண்ட் பார்த்து தன் வாழ்வை வீண்டித்துக்கொள்ளாமல், அந்த விவாகத்தை ரத்து செய்து கொள்ளும் உரிமை பெண்களுக்கு இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று பெரிதும் போராடினார் பெரியார். அந்த காலத்தில் பெண்களுக்கு விவாகரத்து கோரும் உரிமையோ, மறுமணம் புரியும் உரிமையோ இல்லை. இதை எதிர்த்து பெரியார் பல காலம் பிரச்ச்சரம் செய்து, அந்த உரிமைகளையும் பெண்களுக்காக பெற்றுக்கொடுத்தார்.<br />அதுவும் தவிற கணவன், மனைவி என்ற சொற்களை பெரிதும் சாடினார் பெரியார். இருவரும் சரிசம்ம் என்ற பின், பெண்ணை மட்டும் மனையோடு கிடப்பவள் என்று அர்த்தப்படிகிற சொல்லால் அழைபதை அவர் விரும்பவில்லை. அதனால் தம்பதியினர் இருவருக்கும் பொதுவான விழிசொல்லாய், துணைவர், இணைவர் என்ற சம நிலை அர்த்தப்படுகிற பத்ங்களை பயன்படுத்த ஊக்குவித்தார். எதே போல எல்லா துறைகளிலும் மகளிர் அயராது உழைத்தார் பெரியார்..., சம உரிமை, சம வாய்ப்பு, சம கல்வி, சம ஊதியம், சம சொத்த்துரிமை என்ப்வை மட்டும் இன்றி, விபச்சார ஒழிப்பு, தேவதாசி முறை ஒழிப்பு, பெண்களின் துஷ்பிரயோக ஒழிப்பு என்று பல பல சமுதாய மாறுதல்களை ஏற்படுத்தினார்.<br />அவரது சிந்தனை தெளியும், தர்கத் திறனும், எல்லோரது கண்களையும் திற்ந்து மனதையும் விசாலமாக்க, படித்தவர்கள், புத்திசாலிகள் மத்த்தியில் பெருத்த வரவேற்பை பெற்றார் பெரியார். அவரத்து கரித்துக்களை பல மேதாவிகள் பின்பற்ற ஆரம்பிக்க, படி படியாக, அதுவே நாகரீகத்தின் உச்ச்க்கட்ட வெளிபாடானது. பெண்களை கண்ணியமாய் நட்த்துவதே நாகரீமானது.<br />பெரியாரின் நிழலில் பெண்கள் எல்லாம் புது தெம்பும் தெளிவும் பெற்று, தங்கள் சுயமரியாதையை உணர்ந்துக்கொண்டு விழிப்புற்றார்கள். பெரியாரும் பெண்களை ஊக்குவிக்கும் விதம்மாய், இந்தியாவிலேயே முதல் முறையாய், பெண்களின் மா நாடுகளை கூட்டினார். இப்படி 1936 ஆம் ஆண்டு அவர் கூட்டிய மா நாட்டில் தான், பெண்கள் எல்லாம் ஒன்று சேர்ந்து, தங்களின் முன்னேற்றத்திற்காக் பெரிதும் பாடுப்பட்ட அவருக்குத்து ‘பெரியார்’ என்ற சிறப்பு பெயரைச்சூட்டினர். அன்று முதல் திரு ஈ வே ராமசாமியாக இருந்தவர் தந்தை பெரியாராக மாறினார். இதே மனிதர் தான் ஜாதி ஒழிப்பு, தீண்டாமை ஒழிப்பு, ஹிந்தி எதிர்ப்பு, கடவுள் நிராகரிப்பு என்று பல பல சமூக சீர்திருத்தங்களை செய்திருந்தார்.....ஆனால், மகளிர் நலனுக்காக அவர் ஆற்றிய் சேவை தான், வெறும் ராம்சாமியாக இருந்தவரை தந்தை பெரியார் என்கிற மாம்னிதன் ஆக்கியது.<br />பெரியாரும் தான் இந்த பெரயருக்கு மிக பொருத்தமானவர் என்பதை நிறுபவித்தார். அவர் தோற்றுவித்த திராவிடர் கழகம் என்கிற சமூக நல அமைப்பை தன் துணைவி திருமதி மணியம்மையின் விட்டுச்சென்றார். அது வரை எந்த தலைவரும் தன் நிறுவனத்தின் பொருப்பை பெண்களிடம் ஒப்படைத்தாக சரித்திரமே இல்லை....ஒரு வேளை பெண்களால் பெரிய வகிக்கமுடியுமோ என்று மற்றவர்கள் சன்தேகப்பட்டார்களோ என்னவோ? ஆனால் பெரியாருக்கு பெண்ணின் திறன் மீது எந்த சந்தேகமும் இருக்கவில்லை. அவர் நம்பிக்கையை காப்பாற்றி, பெரியாரின் பெண்ணிய கருத்துக்களை அமல்படுத்தும் விதமாகவே, இந்தியாவின் முதல் முற்றிலும் பெண்களுக்கான பொறியியல் கல்லூரி தஞ்சை அருகே உள்ள வள்ளம் எனும் ஊரில் கிட்ட்தட்ட இருவது ஆண்டுகளுக்கு முன்பு துவக்கப்பட்ட்து. இந்த கல்லூரியில் படிக்கும் பெண்களுக்கெல்லாம் சீருடையே பேண்ட், சட்டை தான். யோசித்து பாருங்களேன், இன்று வரை தமிழ் கலாசாரத்தில் பெயரால், பெண்கள் கால்லூரிகளுக்கு பேண்ட் சட்டை போட்டுக்கொண்டே வரக்கூடாது என்று மெத்தப்படித்த பல்கலைகழக துணைவேந்தர்கள் எல்லாம் கரார் ஒடுக்குமுறை செய்வதை பார்த்தால் உடனே புரிகிறது, திரு ஈ வே ரா, உண்மையிலேயே தன் காலத்தை மிஞ்சிய மஹா முற்போக்குசிந்தனையாளர் தான். <br />இந்த பெரிய மனிதருக்கு இன்றைய எல்லா பெண்களும் நன்றி சொல்லக்கடமை பட்டுள்ளோம், இன்று நாம் இந்த உயரதில் இருக்க காரணமே அவர் தான். பெண்களை அடக்குமுறை படுத்த முயலும் சாமான்ய ஆண்களுக்கு மத்தியில் பெண்களின் மேம்பாட்டிற்காக் போராடினாரே, அவர் தான் பெரியார். எப்பேற்பட்ட பெரியார்!<br /> </p><p> </p>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-73844513844902782512008-05-31T03:30:00.002+05:302008-05-31T03:46:03.576+05:30The A B C of Happiness!<span style="color:#cc0000;">The Alphabet of Happiness.</span><br />Everyone likes to be happy. But the problem is, no one knows exactly how to maintain our minds in the Happy state. What makes us happy? What does one need to do in order to remain happy? Well, it seems like a complicated question, but the basic alphabet of being happy is quite simple! Check it out for yourself and try out the A B C of happiness every day, then you’ll know how easy it is to be happy!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Attitude</span>: Although we all live under the same sun, we do not all have the same horizon. Some of us have a positive attitude and that pushes us ahead in life, for attitude determines altitude. Those of us who grumble and crib will never be happy even in heaven! So let’s perk up our minds and always keep it positive. That is the very first step to happiness.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Bravery:</span> Bravery is not the absence of fear. It is doing what it takes despite one’s fear. As we all know, fortune favours the brave. When you look back in life, you’ll probably regret all the things that you didn’t do…. So quit worrying and just go on doing what it takes to go forward.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Change</span>: Life belongs to the living and he who lives must be prepared for changes. Embrace changes that enhance your survival, which will take you a long way in the road to happiness.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Discontent:</span> Discontent is the first step in progress. Had the apes been content on the trees, man would not have conquered land. So don’t just stay content with your lot and get stagnant in life. Keep thinking of new improvements, each betterment will bring a fresh dose of happiness into your life.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Empathy:</span> The best way to forget our problems is to listen to others’. So go ahead and offer empathy, listen to others, and understand their problems from their point of view. Then you’ll know how trivial your problems actually are. Empathy is a sure way to becoming happier and also wiser.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Faith:</span> Hold on to some belief system, because beliefs give us a foundation to know our place in this world, to understand life and relax on that knowledge. Stand up for something or you’ll fall for anything.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Grit:</span> The very fact that we are alive today means we come from a long line of survivors. One who is born in the fire, will not fade in the sun! It is in our genes to survive! All that remains is that we have the grit to endure and emerge the winner!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Hope:</span> Hope is a short cut to happiness. When everything seems lost, remember the future remains. Even the worst of times, passes away and time heals every wound.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Imagination:</span> The world’s best inventions were once only mere imaginations. To achieve the marvelous, it is precisely the unthinkable that must be thought of.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Joy:</span> Happiness is the art of making a bouquet of the flowers within reach. Count your blessings, keep your face to the sun and enjoy the pleasure that simple things offer.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Kindness:</span> Hands that help are holier than lips that pray. Helping others is a feel good factor, it makes us feel worthy and nice, by stimulating pleasure hormones in the brain.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Laughter</span> is like the jam on the toast of life. It adds flavor, keeps it from being too hard and makes it easier to swallow. Cultivate a sense of humour, take life easy and be sportive, you’ll never be short of something to laugh at!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Mistakes:</span> The more mistakes you make, the cleverer you get! One who cannot make a mistake cannot make anything worthwhile in life. So don’t worry about the mistakes in your life, they are like manure that enrich your life and make it more fertile. Make your mistakes useful by learning from it.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Novelty:</span> Do not go where the path leads, rather go where there is no path and leave a trail. Originality is special, people always appreciate it…so go your way and do your thing, as long as it is useful to the society you’ll never go wrong!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Optimism:</span> The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears. Even the worst experience can teach us a lot, strengthen our minds and toughen our spirit. And nothing lasts forever, after every darkness there is light. That’s the law of nature. So be cheerful and look at the brighter side of life.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">People:</span> All human needs can be summed up in a few words: some food, some sun; Some work, some fun and SOMEONE! Being with positive people recharges your energy levels and brings back the zest for life. Find such people and plug onto their positive power!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Quietude:</span> Once in a while, take a holiday from too much activity. Practice silence. At times, it is better to keep your mouth shut and let people wonder if you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. The quieter you are, the more people will love to hear from you!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Restraint:</span> One minute of anger denies you sixty seconds of happiness. Remember, when you are angry you lose more than your temper. Have a little self-control, that is what makes the humans superior to other species you know!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Self-confidence:</span> You are god’s creation. Like everything else in this universe, you have a purpose and a right to be here. It does not matter what others think about you because deep down you should be sure of what you are.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Tolerance:</span> At times, it is better to lose the battle in order to win the war. Just be tolerant of testing situations, learn to enjoy it, it adds to your sense of humour. Even if you decide to fight it out, pick battles big enough to matter and small enough to win. No point in expending one’s energies wastefully, is there?!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Unwind:</span> All work and no play makes any one dull. After all we have only one life. So take time to live, the world has so much to give! Explore the world; discover your potential; cultivate a hobby, that’s the surest and shortest route to happiness!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Vocation:</span> Mind unemployed is mind unenjoyed. Find a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life. The sense of purpose it gives you makes you feel important and nice, and most importantly very happy!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Will:</span> Even the word impossible says I’m possible. Nothing is beyond the human will. Just apply it judiciously and you’ll always succeed at any task you set your mind to.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">x-periment:</span> You are infinite. You are capable of so many unheard miracles. Yet, you never know what you can do till you try. So try, experiment, expand yourself and discover the limits!<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Yield:</span> Sometimes, it is best to surrender to the situation and let life take its own course. For some defeats hold more triumph than victories. Blessed are you if your mind can bend, then it shall never be broken.<br /><span style="color:#ff0000;">Zest:</span> Some people make the world more special just by being in it, be one of them! Live life to the fullest, after all we have only one life!Live life to the fullest, after all we have only one life!Live life to the fullest, after all we have only one life!Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-33039063514476428432008-03-27T03:02:00.006+05:302009-05-31T01:00:33.197+05:30Motherinlawism<div align="justify">Are you married? Then you would have encountered at least some degree of the menace called <span style="font-family:times new roman;">Motherinlawism</span>. Motherinlawism is such a common occurrence all over the world that most teleserials in most countries harp about it. A casual conversation with any woman will eventually lead to lamentations about how cruel a woman the mother-in-law is and all the atrocities that she unfeelingly commits. </div><div align="justify"><br />From simply finding faults with the daughter-in-law to outright murder, mothers-in-law especially in India are known for all their bizarre behaviour. And it is not even that uncommon. Almost all of us have seen or heard of at least one such mother-in-law who seems to behave as if her only mission is to make life miserable for the daughter-in-law. But the point to ponder is why does this mother-in-law character behave so mean? She is also but human, then what makes her behave so odd? </div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">Let’s just take a random look at various mothers-in-law and scan through their behaviour patterns…MIL X loves her son very much. When the new daughter-in-law walked home, she ‘forgot’ to take the arthi that was part of their religious custom. she watched every single move of the DIL and criticized her for each and every thing….she snubbed, slighted and scathed the girl at every turn and when the girl’s face crumpled in sadness, she even complained to her son that his wife was being rude and making faces at her. She felt the girl was no match to her wonderful son and cribbed no end to everyone about darling son’s misfortune in marrying this bad specimen of womanhood. She feared this girl would not feed her son properly; that she would give away his shoes and ties to her male relatives; that the girl would try to dominate her son and ruin his life. The son got so influenced by his mother’s whisperings that he began to suspect his wife of some foul play and began to ill treat her. As expected the marriage landed in some hot soup.<br /></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">MIL Y was one another doting mom who loved her son. Although her son was well past his thirties, in his mother’s eyes, he was still a baby. She always fretted over him, feeding him, caressing him and generally keeping the umbilical cord completely intact. She was so fond of him that she could not bear the thought of sharing him with another woman. Therefore the son’s wedding got ‘delayed’ as the mom could just not find ‘the perfect girl’ for her oh so fabulous son. But the relatives were constantly worrying about the son’s advancing age and kept making snide remarks about the boy’s long unwed state and what that could potentially imply. And the son urged the mom to find a girl for him, ‘if only to take care of his parents in their old age’. After much reluctance the mother complied and let the boy get married to a girl of her choice. But she just could not stand the sight of the girl. Every single thing that the girl said or did irritated the MIL no end. To add to her worries, the son started being affectionate with his wife, and that was something the mother could not stomach at all. She started falling sick, breaking into tears, accusing the son of forgetting dear mother who had ‘sacrificed a lot and suffered so much to make him the man was today ’and going behind a bloody upstart who no doubt was only after his money’. The mother’s constant lamentation wore the son out. He started feeling guilty about being with his wife. And each time his mother accused him of being ungrateful, he quarreled with his wife for no good reason. When the girl tried to explain her side of the story the MIL pronounced her to be argumentative. That made the son angrier with his wife and he began battering her. Naturally the marriage broke and the MIL expressed relief that she had saved her son from the clutches of “that arrogant girl.”<br /></div><div align="justify">MIL Z is another such loving mother, who thought the world of her son. Her son was a successful professional and she was very proud that it had been her hand that had rocked his cradle. Since she rated him very high in terms of his worth she expected the ‘lucky girl’ who would marry her son to bring a fabulous dowry, worthy of her darling son. The daughter-in-law came with a modest dowry. Since there were no other takers for her son, who for all his academic success was not much of a looker, the MIL grudgingly accepted the girl into the family. But she made sure that her son never slept with “girl who was fit to be only his servant”. She kept the couple separated for the most part and made sure she was physically present when the couple was together. She categorically told the girl, “he is very busy with work, do not expect him to fuss over you…” and kept tabs on the couple. She poisoned the son’s mind, telling him constantly that the wife was not to be trusted, that she had married him in spite of his looks only for the sake of his money, and that she would pilfer all his possessions and pass it on to her parents. The son became so paranoid of his own wife that he started reading her dairy, checking her purse and tracking her e mails to know what she was up to. Not surprisingly the marriage was on the rocks.<br /></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">With this random sample of MILs X, Y and Z it is obvious these women love their sons way too much. And there is no greater tyranny than love. For these mothers expect from their sons not just some ‘love me back,’ but dutifulness, security and gratitude in exchange for all that she does for him. Now that is where the problem starts.<br /></div><div align="justify">Any mammalian mother on the face of the earth toils a lot for its offspring. For that matter all human mothers all over the world struggle through a variety of hardship to bring up their children and give them the best possible life. Admirable though her parenting is, in genetic terms there is nothing selfless about a mother’s toils. In fact all the efforts she puts in raising her children are purely selfish at the gene level. For only if her children survive, will her own genes thrive and spread. And so it makes complete genetic sense that the mother toils hard to provide for her kids. She is doing it to spread her own genes. But the son cannot spread his mother’s genes all on his own. He needs a sexual partner.<br /></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">If only the son could mate with his own mother, her goal will be fulfilled, they get to spread their genes and she gets to keep a firm hold on her darling son. But nature, society, law and tradition do not permit the mother-son mating. Because, such incestuous in-breeding can pool together diseased genes. So it makes better genetic sense that the son out breeds with an unrelated woman with a different set of genes.<br /></div><div align="justify">Had this son been just a daughter, the mother would not have worried so much. She would happily get the daughter married to a man with a different set of genes and breathe a sigh of relief, because the daughter is not a beneficial investment. Until quite recently daughters were not well favored because they were economically a very unwise “no returns” investment. Daughters had no traditional mandate to provide for their parents. Although in terms of genetic sense, daughters also spread her genes, the son is a much better investment because he not only spreads genes but also has the traditional responsibility of providing for his parents.<br /></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">Today we live in a modern world where women have their own properties and income. But until very recently women all over the world had had no right to hold property or income. That made women helpless and dependant on their men for their financial need and the security that it gave. First it was the father, then it was the husband and finally it would be the son. So the son is not only a gene-spread vehicle, he is also a retirement plan, an insurance for old age financial care. And so it is that mothers are more attached to their sons. And they loathe sharing this son with another woman. Especially because this newcomer would share the son’s resources, but without contributing to the making of the same. That makes the mother feel a deep sense of injustice. As one mother-in-law picturesquely put it, “I planted that tree and my daughter-in-law enjoys its fruits, how unfair!”<br /></div><div align="justify">Also the wife character has two special extra powers over the son. She could provide the two most important things that a mother can never compete in – sexual companionship and baby making. Sex being a powerful bonding ritual, it makes the partners feel committed to each other. Once the partners get thus bonded, the son might side his wife and that makes the mother feel insecure and jittery. And so, the same mothers who feel so relieved to see the daughters leading a happy sex life, feel irritated and disgruntled to see their daughters-in-law reveling in sexual fulfillment. For a sexually content daughter could potentially bring home the resources of her doting husband, that is an economic gain. Not to mention the genetic gain of spreading some genes in the process. But if the daughter in law is sexually active, then it is a potential loss in the economics department, although the genes may be spreading in the process.<br /></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">Above and beyond all these dynamics, if the mother in question had to herself the attention of her own doting husband, who continues to support her emotionally and financially, then this lady does not mind her son’s closeness with his wife. Her positive experience with her husband makes her benevolent and magnanimous; she would then not consider the daughter-in-law a threat to her survival. And such mothers-in-law turn out to be angels and fairy god mothers.<br /></div><div align="justify">But those ladies, who have had the misfortune of being married to poor providers and emotionally callous husbands, turn to their sons for support. And when this son marries and brings home a wife, the mother feels insecure. An insecure mind knows no reasoning. It turns possessive, jealous and malicious; it tries to wrestle the son away from the wife and would stoop to any level to achieve its goal. This leads to Motherinlawism and macabre crimes against daughters-in-law.<br /></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify"></div><div align="justify">In a way, Motherinlawism is actually a kind of test for survival, to check the smartness of the son. A smart son, who understands the workings of his mother’s mind, will try to fulfill his filial duties, without compromising his own genetic spread. He would reassure his mother that he will forever be there for her, make sure he keeps her financially secure and give her emotional support and moral courage. With his mother’s anxieties thus assuaged, the smart son would then proceed with the purpose of his life, by spreading his genes and making sure he has a harmonious relationship with his wife. By balancing both these roles, the son proves he is fit for survival and sure enough, his genes spread.<br /></div><div align="justify">But sadly, if the son is not smart enough, he could get entangled in the mess of Motherinlawism and end up being a loser. If he leans too much towards his mother, he would make a wonderful son but a terrible husband and a miserable father. If he leans too much towards his wife, he would fail in his duty as a son and set a very bad example for his own children. This imbalance proves the son is not quite fit for survival and in most cases, his genes do not spread. In the end, as always, it all depends on how smart the man is and how deftly he handles situations. Nature though is impartial and neutral; it only lets the best genes survive. </div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-5243483714464759892008-03-07T00:22:00.003+05:302008-05-31T03:47:19.316+05:30Father Great Man!<span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;"></span><br /><p><span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;">The international woman’s day is observed on the 8th of March and provides us an opportunity to think about and thank all those die hard feminists who made this day a reality. Today, the women have the best of opportunities, the highest rights and the most respect in the society, but all this did not come on its own. The better situation that most women find themselves in today is all thanks to the sheer perseverance and activism of a few determined feminists. Most of these feminists were women, no wonder; they were the sufferers, so they took up their own cause. But the finest feminist in Indian history you’ll be surprised to know is not a female. He was a male and his name was Ramaswamy.<br /><br />But nobody knows him by that name today. Ordinary people are known by their given names all their lives. Only the truly great souls have the rare honor of being known by their nom de plume. And this soubriquet then becomes so major an influence that people actually forget the person’s real name …..Ramaswamy was one of those great souls who eclipsed his own name and became known as Thanthai Periyar, Father Great Man.<br /><br />Coming to think of it, after the Buddha, the Christ, the Nabi and the Mahatma, the only other man to be known by his own personal soubriquet is Periyar. And contrary to all these other men, Periyar was a self proclaimed atheist who publicly denounced the existence of God. It was for this daring anti-god campaign that he was very well known all over the world.<br /><br />But there is yet another unsung facet to this Father Great Man…he was the most vociferous feminist of the last century. Today, we all live in a world where equal opportunities to women are a reality; women are no longer treated like vassals, at least in the educated societies. Yet, all the freedom that women enjoy today is directly a result of the activism that Periyar led in the last century.<br /><br />To go back into the grueling past, women then were not allowed to study, they were married off when they were still little girls. Suppose, the child bride’s equally child-like husband got bitten by a snake or died of cholera, then the girl was subjected to all the rituals of widowhood and persuaded to perform ‘sati’, or was left to spend the rest of her life in austere celibacy. Remarriage of a widow was considered sacrilegious. Talk of rights for a woman was tantamount to blasphemy.<br /><br />Even the women who escaped the pangs of widowhood were no better off. There were innumerable restrictions on every one of the women’s moves. She could not study, go out of the house unaccompanied, work and keep her own wages, or own property; she could not even choose her marriage partner. She had no rights whatsoever, she was not even recognized as a separate entity; her identity was fused with that of her male proprietor, the father, husband, brother or son. “..The lord in all his wisdom had created the women as the weaker sex, to be forever under the protection of the men folk…”or so these practices were justified.<br /><br />The men of the last century considered all the toils of the woman to be part of the glorious Indian Heritage. So what if women were forced to jump into the funeral pyre of their husbands, was it not a sacred custom dripping with national pride! So what if the women are married off from their cradles…it keeps them 100% pure and agmark chaste, rationalized the leaders like Bal Gangadhar Tilak. Even Mahatma Gandhi for all his ahimsa, did not show much sympathy on the plight of the women, he felt all the suffering made them better beings.<br /><br />But Periyar was an independent thinker – unsullied by religious trappings. He was a daring revolutionary and a relentless rationalist who believed in the equality of all humans, whatever their caste, creed, colour or sex. Although he himself had been raised in a family steeped in Vaishnavite rituals, the young Ramaswamy could not tolerate the hypocrisy of Hinduism that speaks of all souls being made of the same Paramaathma at one end, and snobbishly discriminates against them in the name of caste, religion and sex on the other.<br /><br />Like Leonardo da Vinci who invented the first helicopter several centuries before the average human could even comprehend the idea of a flying vehicle, Periyar was a man much ahead of his own time. He was a social scientist, who thought up of new traditions of social living, way before anyone could even envisage it. At a time when the whole world considered the woman as the subordinate, Periyar began thinking of women as equal to the men, in all aspects.<br /><br />And for this equality of women, Periyar fought brave battles and defied all prevailing conventions. During his time, the ideal woman was valued for her body, her beauty, her baby making ability, her obedience, her culinary skills and her Karpu. Periyar defied each and every one of these.<br /><br />He believed that all things being equal a woman did not have to display her body all decked up and decorated, hoping for the male’s approval. Just as the men gave up beautification, ornaments and long hair, which had until a few centuries ago been the norm for Tamil men, Periyar urged the women to give up their beauty restraints. He was the first man ever in India to suggest that the Tamil women give up their long hair, big pottus and long-winding sarees. In his travels abroad, Periyar had noticed that women in other countries had their hair cut short and dressed in convenience clothes; he recommended the same to Indian women. He even urged his wife Nagammal to give up her nine yard saree and upgrade to trousers and shirts. He was such a progressive man, who had no patience for silly traditions that had no survival value.<br /><br />Likewise Periyar did not set much store for baby making or obedience. He saw women as much more than mere gestational grails. He saw them as intelligent minds and encouraged them to study just like the men did. In his book, “Why women became slaves?” Periyar noted that ignorance makes the woman dependant on the man, but knowledge could give her power. He encouraged women to think logically for themselves with discretion (paguththarivu) rather than just blindly hang on to idiotic gender stereotypes, laid down by centuries of mindless automatic obedience. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;">He ridiculed the notion of “women being subordinate to the men” and explained that subjugating the female was only a weak man’s attempt to feel stronger than he actually was.<br /><br />As for cooking, Periyar strongly believed that women should give up cooking all together, and families had better dine communally from a centralized kitchen. Thus freed from the morning-to-night grind of cooking, the women would have more time to develop their minds, he explained.<br /><br />As for the grand sentiment of Tamil culture, Karpu, Periyar thought it was a clever ploy to put a leash around the woman’s neck and keep her subdued all her life. He encouraged women to come out of these narrow cultural constraints and propagated the “Self respect marriage”, in which, contrary to the traditional Kanyaadhaan marriage rituals, the girl would not be given away to the groom like a slave. Since the woman was equal to the man in all aspects, she could very well choose her own partner, marry him as an equal in a simple and dignified ceremony, where there is no hullabaloo of hypocritical vows which no one understands or intends to follow anyway.<br /><br />While Tamil movies till today keep praising the Thali as the holy of holies, Periyar, felt it was another clever trick to rein in the woman, much like tying a controlling rope around the cattle’s necks. If the partners are really equal then how can it be that one of them alone ties a cord around the other’s neck? Either both would tie cords around each others’ necks or neither should….and thus, Periyar eliminated the Thali from the “self respect” weddings. Even without the thali, the mantras, and the other traditional rituals, such Self Respect Weddings are considered legal and binding in Tamil Nadu, all thanks to our Father Great Man and his political protégés who later became Chief Ministers of the state.<br /><br />Even after such a self respect marriage, Periyar felt if the woman did not like her partner, she had every right to walk out of the marriage and live on her own or seek another companion. Periyar was such a visionary that he even protested against the use of the terms husband and wife, which he felt were demeaning to the womenfolk. Much like animal husbandry, husband is a term that denotes proprietorship, while the Tamil term for a wife, “manaivi” meant, “the one who manages the house” had a subordinate flavour to it. Therefore he preferred to use the term “thunaivar” meaning spouse and “innaivar” meaning equal partner.<br /><br />Not only did he encourage women to get out of the Karpu shackles, he also fought for gender rights and equal opportunities. He made sure that women could take up studies and employment, hold property and keep separate income. He opposed atrocities such as culturally sanctioned prostitution, sexual abuse against women and oppression of women’s rights.<br /><br />His logic so lucid and his reasoning so scientific, no one dared to oppose Periyar. In fact most of the cognoscenti looked up to him as the ultimate rational thinker and eagerly embraced his principles. Self Respect Marriage became the highest statement of intelligent living. Also it became highly fashionable to treat women as equals and it was considered extremely uncouth to discriminate against them.<br /><br />Under Periyar’s all-powerful wings, the women slowly got on to their feet, realized their self worth and moved towards emancipation. He, for the first time in Indian history convened women’s conferences to discuss gender issues from 1936. The women felt so indebted to him for all the efforts he put to empowering them, that in one such women’s conference the Tamil scholar Neelambigai honoured him with the title “Periyar”. Since that day, the sobriquet stuck. The same man had battled against so many of the society’s evils, but it was for his championing the cause of the women folk that he ascended from an obscure Mr. E. V. Ramaswamy to the exalted title of “Father Great Man.”<br /><br />And Periyar proved that he deserved such a high title by bequeathing his foundation, the Dravida Kazhagam, which is a non political social reformist organization, to his partner Mrs Maniammai. No other leader had ever transferred the onus of any organization to a lady, because probably deep in their minds they still doubted the woman’s ability to lead. But Periyar had no such doubts, he was sure of the woman’s abilities and left Mrs Maniammai to continue all his good work.<br /><br />True to Periyar’s philosophies, the nation’s first ever engineering college exclusively for women was started in Vallam near Thanjavur, twenty years ago and the dress code for all the girls studying there is, trousers and shirts! Considering that even to this day, many vice chancellors in the state ban their girl students from wearing trousers to college in the name of Tamil Culture; it is a stark reminder that Mr E. V. Ramaswamy is indeed The Great Man, who could think much ahead of all other ordinary men.<br /><br />And to this Father Great Man, we womenfolk owe many sincere thanks, for we are where we are today, all because of his great efforts. What a real Great Man! Wow, what a Periyar!</span></p>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-12137200399008568912008-02-13T23:26:00.001+05:302008-04-02T00:23:29.826+05:30As Fate would have it<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p>There was this conference that I attended in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:city><st1:place>Budapest</st1:place></st1:city>.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>After all the long winded scientific sessions, the organizers decided to give us the much desired break; they organized a city tour to see all the major landmarks. <p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><o:p></o:p>We were taken around the popular Baths, soaking in the salty waters of Budapestian Baths is supposed to be healing we were told.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>We were taken to the historical <st1:street><st1:address>City Square</st1:address></st1:street>, where the history of <st1:country-region><st1:place>Hungary</st1:place></st1:country-region> is depicted as moments frozen into statues:<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>the coming of the fierce half- mongoloid Magyars who conquered the country and laid the foundations of civilization there.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>We were taken to a rare monumental fort, rare because each part of the fort had been built in a distinct architectural style, some parts Gothic, some parts Baroque, some parts Moorish….it was there that we met Mr Fate.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">Mr Fate was a large granite statue, with a hood, cloak and sinister look, depicted as sitting on a huge block of stone.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>He had a Golden Pen in his right hand and The Big Book of Deeds in his left.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>We were told touching the pen would give one oodles of good luck, but touching the Book, god forbid would lead to a lot of bad luck.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">This spiced up all our imagination; we thought Mr Fate would make a good subject for our group photo. All of us climbed onto Mr Fate, the superstitious of the lot all clinging to the Golden Pen and the indifferent among us just arranging ourselves wherever there was space.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The photos were taken and the most superstitious among us, ‘touched and kissed’ the Golden Pen one last time and hopped off the statue, only to turn to look at me and say, “My God, Shalini, what have you done, look at you, sitting right on the bad Book…..god save you now!”</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">Only then I realized where I was seated…..on the left shoulder of Mr Fate, with my right hand carelessly dangling onto the Big Book of Deeds. I laughed and hopped out of my perch, but my companions would not let the matter rest, “Just be careful, will you….now that you have incurred Bad Luck” they chorused half jokingly and half fearfully.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">I was determined not to let that daunt me….in this age of science and logic, the sentiment seemed quite silly.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>And so I put away the incident and went around the rest of <st1:city><st1:place>Budapest</st1:place></st1:city>, enjoying myself at the local fair, where Romanian girls sold exquisitely carved wooden curios and embroidered peasant tops.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>By the time I finished seeing the fair, I had actually forgotten the Fate incident.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">The conference got over, we checked out of our hotel, boarded the bus to the airport, embarked the plane, changed flights at Frankfurt, watched an engrossing movie onflight, reached Mumbai, crossed over to the domestic terminal, boarded the flight to Chennai and finally landed in the long Immigration Queue. It took another hour for us to claim our baggage, and travel-weary I trudged to the Prepaid Taxi Counter with my luggage in tow.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>As I told the counter-walla my destination I pulled out my wallet from my back pocket…..only there was no wallet in my jeans.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">I was taken aback, I fumbled some more….but no, there was no wallet there.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>I pulled out some money from another of my bags and with a worried wrinkle on my forehead, clambered on to the waiting taxi…..where did the wallet go? I had several thousands worth of Indian and foreign currency in it!</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">Once inside the taxi, I opened my entire luggage and searched for the wallet….no, it was not there! Obviously I had lost it, but where?<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>I tried to recall all the places that I had been to in the last twenty four hours, and mentally tried to rewind every scene of my movement…trying to identify if the wallet had been with me at that moment or not.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">I seemed to remember a sleepily eaten breakfast at Mumbai that morning, which meant I would have paid for it, out of the wallet of course…..so probably somewhere between Mumbai and Chennai I had lost the wallet, only then did the image of Mr Fate’s Big Book of Deeds suddenly flash into my mind!<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Was it true after all, the sentiment of the Bad Luck?</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">I could not decide…my mind seemed divided just then, one half was too busy worrying about the lost money, all the ways that I could have spent it usefully, all the things that I could have bought with it…and just feeling unhappy at having lost so much money….while the other half was analyzing the whole incident typical shrink-style:<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Mr Fate was only a statue.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Good Luck and Bad Luck are mere beliefs.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The Big Book of Deeds was not inherently evil; it was made of the same stone as the rest of the statue. Touching something cannot lead to something else that was not even remotely related to it…the cause and effect did not match at all. On a spiritual level, may be it was destined that the wallet be lost for some mystical reason….</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">Thus split in my thoughts I reached home.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The therapist inside me decided the conflict was leading nowhere and asserted itself…. “No more pondering or worrying”, I told myself.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Can’t let worry spoil my precious little brains! What’s the big deal, I lost some money, ok, let me face that and move ahead.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>It was after all only money, I could always make more to replace the lost notes.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Thus self-therapized I went about my work as usual.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">The nicest thing about Psychiatry is that we are so engrossed in solving much bigger and graver problems for others that personal problems just get automatically deleted in the process.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Two days later, I had completely forgotten about the lost wallet and Mr Fate’s alleged conspiracy against me, when I received a call at work.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">Absent mindedly I picked up the phone, some sweet-voiced girl from some Airlines was on the other line, asking my contact address.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Some one wanting to fix an appointment I thought, preoccupied with the work at hand.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>She was saying, “We found your business card in a wallet….”</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">With the word wallet, my mind flew back to her in full attention, “Oh, yes, I’d lost a wallet, you found that?”<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>I could not believe it.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">“Yes, we found it on your flight seat….could you please make arrangements to collect it from me..”<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>She proceeded to give me her contact details.</p><o:p></o:p><o:p></o:p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">The next day, the wallet was back in my hands, complete with all the currency, credit cards, business cards and scratch pad notes that I had scribbled on….</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify">My thoughts automatically went back to Budapest, Mr Fate and the book on his left hand….with the wallet safe in my hands, my mind<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>was suddenly clear ….Bad luck?<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>bah, all sentimental crap!<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span></p>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-35535702814339742992008-02-05T02:20:00.001+05:302008-04-02T00:24:46.863+05:30right switch wrong person<p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><b><span lang="EN-GB">Right switch wrong person.<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>Let me not mention names, but there was this middle-aged lady who came for consultation with complaints of vague aches and pains all over her body, poor sleep, bouts of irritation and sudden crying and very sad mood for weeks together.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>She had tried attending religious discourses, chanting prayers and meditating in the name of God….nothing helped.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>Her complaints were all in favour of Depression and so she was given a robust dose of psychotherapy and a short prescription of antidepressant medication.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Like most people she responded to that magic combination and within three weeks her depression was all but gone.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">Her sleep had become normal, her appetite was good, her mood was cheerful and most important of all, she had no pains anywhere in the body.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>But she started talking about new complaints….she<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>had realised that she was being forgetful, absent minded, very sensitive to criticism and having rage reactions at the slightest provocation….all these had been there for so many years, but now that she realised something as gruelling as a depression could be healed within few weeks, she also wanted to do away with these other troublesome symptoms.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB"><o:p></o:p>It was then that she was asked about any past history of abuse - physical, emotional or sexual.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The lady gave a blank look and stared straight into the eyes of the psychiatrist.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Within a split second her eyes glistened and tears filled up, her first question was, “Why do you ask that?”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">The answer was simple…childhood emotional abuse is extremely common, female sexual abuse is even more common.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Some women who have had such experiences later on develop certain kind of psychological problems…that may lead to problems in paying attention to things around them, increased reactivity to even minor things and an unbalanced emotional state.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">When she was informed of all these, the lady nodded subtly and whispered, “Yes, doctor.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>There was this man, he used to teach me tuition….he taught me very well.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>I liked him.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>But one day, he…he touched me in the wrong places.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>I was only eight at that time!<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>I knew it was wrong….but I did not stop him…”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">She closed her eyes and the tears dropped off her cheeks, “It was all my fault doctor, how could I let him do that!”<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>She opened her eyes, looked up with trembling nostrils and asked, “You think I am a bad person doctor?<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>I let this man do this to me…what kind of a weird child I must have been!<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>To tell you the truth doctor, I think I might have even enjoyed that man’s caresses…which makes me all the more a bad child”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">This story that this lady so hesitantly told is not so rare.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Many adult women often have such secret histories of sexual abuse and the quirkiest part is most of these women blame themselves for their abuse.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">The human body is designed to feel pleasure when certain parts are touched.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Each of such touch sensitive-pleasure eliciting area is called a sensate focus. The human body has many hundreds of such sensate foci.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">These sensate foci are like switches, when touched they automatically produce a rush electric sparks that travel all along the nerves and register in the brain as pleasure sensations.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Just like anything of high temperature is recognised as hot and something of very low temperature is recognised as cold, so too the human brain recognises touch on the sensate foci as pleasure; pure and simple brain physics that!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">It is only because the human body is designed on these pure and simple physical laws that the human beings derive great pleasure from the mere mechanical act of copulation…. no other animal on the face of the planet enjoys the copulatory act so much.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Only the humans do and that is because the human body operates though such sensate foci.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">But the problem with this Switch for Pleasure kind of body design is, these switches send sensations of pleasure, irrespective of when, where, by whom and how they are touched.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The touch could be accidental, by a human, by an object, by an animal, with the consent of the body-owner or even without the consent of the body-owner…still all these touches can produce a sensation of pleasure.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">For that matter the switch may belong to the body of a young child, but when touched it still produces pleasure sensations.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>That is why even infant boys take a great fancy to tweaking their penises….for young and innocent though these babies are, they had accidentally discovered a sensate focus, touching it caused pleasure sensations and so most little toddlers learn the knack of amusing themselves by fidgeting with their penises.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">So too does a child abusee feel pleasure when an abuser touches the sensate foci of its body.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Now the question is:<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>is the abusee at fault because he/she felt some pleasure by the acts of the abuser?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">Let’s look at it this way.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Child A does not know that item Z can cause a sensation of feeling cold.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>But adult B offers the child this item Z.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Because the child A trusted Adult B, the child touches item Z, only to discover that it causes cold sensations…now is this child guilty of some sin?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">Definitely not.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>It is unfair to expect a child to identify Z as COLD.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>And it is preposterous that an all-knowing adult should deliberately give this cold shock to this innocent child…so too is child sexual abuse.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The child is unaware of the pleasure inducing properties of some parts of its body.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The child is blissfully ignorant about the switches and the sensations.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>But the adult does.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The adult also knows it is improper to touch the child in the wrong places.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>But this adult, even after knowing what he/she is doing is wrong, operates the child’s switches…then who is at fault, the child or the adult?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">Of course it is the adult who is at fault!<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>That is why societies all over the world view child sexual abuse as the cheapest and most lurid of crimes.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>And responsible societies make sure that preventive measures are taken to route out the menace all together.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>No society at any time during the long course of human history has ever blamed an abused child of bad behaviour.</span></p><p class="MsoBodyText"><span lang="EN-GB">This being the case, it is quite inappropriate that many adult women with past history of child sexual abuse blame themselves for the event.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>They suffer from misdirected sense of shame and guilt and feel they are somehow flawed and dirty.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>This negative self-perception and low self esteem causes anger and irritation.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Such off-putting emotions crowd their minds and they are unable focus fully on the present tense.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">Sounds tough eh?<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>But the good news is, knowledge frees the mind from its fetters.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>Typically when all these women suffering from child sexual abuse related emotional problems understand that they are definitely not at fault, that they were only the victims of the wrong person operating the right switches at the wrong age, they recover remarkably well.</span></p><p class="MsoBodyText"><span lang="EN-GB">As for example the above-mentioned client.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>A few sessions and all her negative emotions had vanished.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>She no longer felt low and inadequate.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>She learned to overcome her silly childhood fears and self-doubts.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>She realised that she was no longer a victim, she was actually a survivor.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>And as always, knowledge gave her power.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>The sense of being in power gave her the poise and equanimity to handle life in peace.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">But she still had one hang up, “I do not want any other child to suffer like me!<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span>What do we do to the men who abuse little children doctor?”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="TEXT-ALIGN: justify"><span lang="EN-GB">Men who abuse little kids and what we should do to them…. that’s a whole new story altogether.<span style="font-size:+0;"> </span></span></p>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-89456396962770510712007-10-04T23:12:00.002+05:302008-04-02T00:26:00.445+05:30ever wondered why men achieve more?Have you ever wondered why there are not as many women achievers as there are male achievers? In every field, art, science, literature, craft, religion, you name it and it is the men who out perform the women, why would that be?<br /><br />If you say, that’s because women are more focussed on taking care of their family and children, then you are perfectly right. But above and beyond that there are other reasons why men outshine women, at least career wise. And it has to do with the difference in the way that men and women think.<br /><br />A woman’s thinking is broad based. She interconnects things effortlessly and thinks with a wide focus. But the man’s thinking is typically deep. From all the random thoughts that run though his mind, the man chooses the one that intrigues him the most and goes on to keep thinking deeper and deeper about that subject. His thought has a narrow focus, but is highly penetrative.<br /><br />Now why on earth would the man’s cognition be different from the woman’s? Ah! Yet again it is the big T factor, testosterone!<br /><br />At conception all foetuses are built in the default Female Design. That is why even those kids genetically designated as Male (with the forty five X and the single Y chromosome) are also provided with nipples that they have no need for.<br /><br />But this All Female model is changed at the sixth week of uterine life. By then, the genes in the single Y chromosome of the male start expressing themselves by synthesising the big T factor. Testosterone courses through out the foetal body, imprinting the Male upon the pre-existing Female, through a process called Masculanization. To put it simply, all men are but women plus the testosterone. All the differences that exist between the man and the woman happen only after this Masculanization.<br /><br />This process of Masculanization makes changes all over the foetal body. The texture of the skin, the power of the immune system, the strength of the muscles, the length of the bones, the structure of the voice box, the number of red blood cells, the capacity of the lungs, the design of the reproductive apparatus, everything is altered...no system is spared. The entire body is rewired. But the most important rewiring happens in the Brain.<br /><br />The Default Female design of the brain has a large language area, hand gesture area and emotional area among other things. But the male requires special areas for hunting fitness, that would include the abilities to track moving prey precisely, to judge the speed of movement, the distance between self and the prey and to time the release of the weapon for a sure fire hit. All these abilities are collectively called Visuo-spatial skills, because these part abilities are all about Hand, Eye and Movement Co-ordination.<br /><br />The humans come from the ape stock of insect eating herbivores, but later had to evolve into meat eating omnivores to survive the harsh Great Ice ages. Their insect eating herbivore heritage provided the early humans a simple brain that was absolutely no good at hunting. The human genes later evolved the Hunter Brain, to ensure their survival.<br /><br />But there was a snag in this Ape Herbivore to Human Omnivore Brain Conversion. The brain was only so much; its size could not be increased too much, for the human pelvis cannot widen that much without compromising its mobility. To keep the Head: Pelvis fit good enough for easy delivery of the babies, the genes had to make a compromise....to increase the brain size a bit, the pelvis size a bit and then to remove the less important functions from the Hunter Brain and replace the vacated areas with the new very-important-for-survival function: Visuo Spatial Co-ordination.<br /><br />And so the men lost most of the language areas; hand gesture areas and emotion-recognition areas of their brain....they had no real use of these functions anyway. A good hunter has to remain silent. Can’t keep gesturing at chums...the prey would notice the movement and run away. And a man cannot afford to empathise with the ‘hey, please spare me man’ kind of look that the prey would give him....then he’d take pity on the prey, spare it for all its sad looks and return home empty handed. That would have been the end of the Human History.<br /><br />Testosterone also engineered another major change in the Male Brain. It made the man perseverant. It made him focus deeper and deeper until he finally made his kill. But there was a snag in this too. What if the man tried all his best but was still bested by the prey, which dodged away at the last moment? Such a failure could potentially make him feel dejected, lose confidence and give up hunting for good. Now ‘Giving up after the futile chase’ would be extremely detrimental to human survival. It made genetic sense to keep the man motivated even if the chase turned futile...and so Testosterone altered the Reward Centre in the male brain. It made the man feel pleasure after every chase....even if it was futile.<br /><br />Testosterone also had the additional effect of making the men aspire for dominance. For only the dominant male could get the attention of all the worthwhile females...and so whatever their activity, men liked to maximise their output and win the Brownie points for dominance rating.<br /><br />All this Brain Masculanization made the men wonderful hunters. Hunting made the humans survive the vegetation-scarce Ice ages. But the Great Ice age ended some ten thousand years ago. With the ice receding away, the earth opened up with freshly evolved vegetation.<br /><br />The women, who had been the food/herb gatherers from time immemorial, quickly discovered the high nutritive value of the new grainy plants. They learnt to plant these crops and reap good yields. They also learnt to tame the wild animals that hovered around the farm and breed them for personal use. The surplus yield they learnt to barter for goods that they needed but did not have. And all of a sudden civilization began.<br /><br />With the women organising the societies into little kibbutzim, domesticating the animals, raising crops in the backyard and controlling their small time economy there was no need for the men to go hunting. And all these social changes happened so fast, that there was no time for the genes to redesign the brains again to suit the new living conditions. But the humans do not consider themselves intelligent for nothing.....their big brain learns to expend itself in useful ways whatever the circumstances.<br /><br />There was no real hunting to do, yet the men set up virtual hunting games, set up some new targets as prey and closed in for the kill. Many occupations, sports, games, hobbies and past times that men have reflect this tendency. To this day, men call a sound business deal ‘a good kill’. That’s just how strong ancient instincts are.<br /><br />And these instincts bred true in all ancient human activities. As the human populations spread, the women became more and more tied up with domestic chores. But the men were all free, with no hunting to do, now that there was ready-made meat available right at home. And so the men applied their highly evolved hunter brains to the peripheral activities like cattle rearing, soil tilling, bartering goods at trade points and defending the kibbutz from foreign invasion.<br /><br />Their Every Chase is a Pleasure kind of deep-focussing brain design made the men make the most of every single job they picked up. The average women could be uniformly good in all her activities, she would sing ok, cook ok, sew ok, organise ok, raise crops ok, tend to cattle ok, run house ok and still be content with her performance.<br /><br />But none of this would be ok for a man. His Point Focus, Deep Penetration, Chase is pleasure, Dominance seeking brain design makes him pick up just one line of thought, go on and on, on the same line, feel great rapture just with such thought chasing and then climb high on the dominance scale....<br /><br />It is the woman who will be content with running a small time, subsistence farming kind of life style, the real Man would never be content with being small. Even if it is a simple thing like growing a cabbage, men like to make it bigger and bigger until their cabbage is the biggest in the whole world, what’s more the men would even organise a contest for Cabbage Growing and proclaim winners every year! That’s how powerful the man’s instinct for dominance is!<br /><br />And so it was that the men, freed at last from the onerous job of hunting, filled their time and curious mind with picking up areas of interest and going deeper and deeper into it until they became the ultimate authority in that specialty. It is no surprise then that all the great philosophers, scientists, writers, orators, singers, poets, painters, doctors, politicians, actors, even chefs, tailors and jewellers throughout human history have all been men. Yet by large the average woman is a much better thinker, healer, leader, speaker, seamstress, actress, singer, composer, cook, and all else when compared to the average man. Despite her overall superior abilities the woman never reaches those dizzy heights of genius, because her interconnecting neurons think wide not deep. It takes a male brain to think deep. And typically such a deep thinking genius male would be a complete muddle in all other, even basic life skills. Anecdotes are plenty about such brilliant male geniuses who are absolutely clueless about other aspects of life.<br /><br />It’s all thanks to the big T factor. It makes men think deep with such single-minded devotion that they reach great heights of achievement. All the achievements that the men made in every one of their chosen narrow fields eased the collective lives of the humans; every small step of each man became a giant leap for mankind.<br /><br />And so it is that to live we need the women, but to live well, we need the men!Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-47371965270110374892007-10-04T22:58:00.001+05:302008-04-02T00:27:22.956+05:30Why Worship Women?The world history is literally strewn with evidence to prove that the early humans worshipped women. Archaeology has time and again excavated figurines of female goddesses. Literature has sung praises of the female deities. Anthropologists poking their scientific noses into the lives of primitive tribes have always reported deification of the female omnipotent. Evidences are thus aplenty, but the explanation remains elusive.<br /><br />Why would humans worship women? Surely, the shy, coy, dumb and weak women were hardly worthy of respect, leave alone worship… or, so thought the great thinkers of circa 1700. It took another thee hundred years of cerebral effort to understand something that early humans had been doing for thousands of years.<br /><br />Admittedly, understanding the early human mind can be a tough job. It would need one to travel back in time, shorn of all the conditioning of modern thinking and see the prehistoric world through the eyes of the humans while they were still in the making. Just for the fun of it, let’s all pretend to be prehistoric people.<br /><br />To a prehistoric child, who would be the most important person in it life? Who else but its mother! The mother who laboured hard to bring it alive, who cuddled and cooed while feeding it, who showered it with unconditional love and unlimited care, who was always there – to understand, counsel, support and encourage; who nursed it through sickness and pain and nourished it through thick and thin; whose ‘disobey me and you’ll regret it later’ always turned out to be miraculously correct and whose blessings made even the most difficult tasks triflingly easy.<br /><br />The one lady whose role nobody else could play any better… the nurturer, the caregiver, the Forever-there-for-me woman… truly in the eyes of the child, its mother is the best heroine ever. A heroine worthy of worship.<br /><br />Perhaps this was the beginning of God Mother Worship - the child human’s atavistic tendency to look up to its mother. Even today, even in the most male chauvinistic societies of the world, it is the mother who is more adored, better taken care of in old age and least ill-treated by her offspring. Fathers always come second in the order of preference.<br /><br />That would make a nice Explanation Number One for God Mother Worship, from the child’s point of view. Now let’s take another peek into the prehistoric world, this time into the psyche of the adolescent, for Explanation Number Two.<br /><br />Life for the evolving human on the African savannah had been quite difficult. It was perpetual struggle between tender life and terrible death. Death was an every day reality - children died due to infection by the dozens. Mothers died in labour and its complications. Men died while hunting.<br /><br />Thanks to this high death rate, humans remained an endangered species until some thirty thousand years ago. Their numbers were very few - a few thousand spread over several continents - quite the endangered species, don’t you think! For this handful lot to survive, they had to put in all their efforts to keep up a high birth rate to beat the mounting death rate.<br /><br />Death taught them that life was precious – to the point of being sacred. Fertility thus became their most valued asset and birth was always a celebrated event. But birth had a very strange habit – it seemed to need a woman’s body to happen.<br /><br />For the pre-literate man, this was the most perplexing riddle in all of nature. His seeds that fell on to earth yielded no children. His seeds that fell on other men also remained futile. But these same seeds when put into the woman grew into babies! This to him was truly magical!<br /><br />Nature with all its ‘saving the best from the worst’ strategy kept all the woman’s reproductive organs deeply hidden inside her body. She had no outward clues about the inner workings of her secret parts. So well hidden were her precious cargo that, forget the preliterate man, even the so-called literate modern man could not understand the woman’s body until a few decades ago. They were absolutely clueless about the details of her baby-making abilities.<br /><br />This anatomical ignorance made them awe the woman’s seemingly supernatural powers of creativity; the Power that no man could ever have. This single most important distinction made men respect the powers of the female. Without her there could be no life. She was the life giver. She was holy. She was venerable. She had to be God.<br /><br />The human mind was, at that time in evolution, quite simplistic. He had a childlike penchant to attribute humanlike tendencies to everything around him. A phenomenon that in today’s psychological parlance is called Animistic Thinking.<br /><br />Early man applied this same animistic thinking to the world around him and decided all those things that were capable of giving birth must be female… the earth that gave birth to plants, the rivers that gave birth to fish, the stones that gave birth to fire… in his eyes all these inanimate things became female. By virtue of being female, they were held to be specially endowed with supernatural creative power.<br /><br />And even the so-called simple minded early man knew: power must always be heeded to. Please it and life would become easy, but provoke it and life would become miserable. No one in their right senses would choose the road to misery - so the humans chose the road to ease.<br /><br />From their long ape-ancestry, humans had followed a hierarchical societal structure. The strongest of them got to be the boss – the Alpha – and the dumbest of them was relegated to the bottom of the hierarchy – the Omega. The Alpha’s role was tough. It had to lead the troops, make sure they were all well fed and well behaved; it also had to settle in-group disputes and defend against outsiders’ attacks. For holding all these responsibilities, the Alpha got extra privileges, better food, better choice of sex partners and better life style. But its life was always at risk.<br /><br />In contrast, the Omega was a non-entity. Its life depended on whether the Alpha liked it or not. For if Alpha did not favour Omega, then Omega could very easily be driven out by the rest of Alphadom. So Omegas always made it their business to behave in an Alpha-pleasing manner. How could an Omega please an Alpha in the ape society?<br /><br />Well, there were some proven techniques to win the favour of the Alpha: by grooming it, by feeding it, by displaying loyalty, by lowering oneself to make Alpha seem larger, by going out of one’s way to make life more comfortable for Alpha… whatever the means, the goal was only this: to win the approval of the Alpha. Then life would become easy - one could quickly ascend the hierarchy, become a delta or a gamma and get closer to the all-powerful Alpha.<br /><br />This Omega-pleasing-the-Alpha trait was so deeply ingrained in the ape-humans that they automatically fell into the same pattern in their new big-brained Alphadom.<br /><br />But there was a difference… in their old world the Alpha was a single female. However in the new world, with their better intelligence, and freshly evolved ability to express ideas in the form of symbols, the early humans could over-generalise this abstraction and conceive a larger-than-life-aggregate-image of the Worshipful Female. They personified this Super Alpha Female and created a stone-hewn sacred idol. She of the idol became their Fertility God, Bringer of Luck, Bestower of All That is Good.<br /><br />To this idol, they offered their traditional Omega-pleasing-Alpha rituals… by garlanding it, by placing their best food before it, by singing praises to it, by prostrating before it, by making pilgrimages to it, by putting themselves to distress to show their loyalty to it, by thanking it for good co-incidences and appeasing it for bad co-incidences. They did their best to be in the good books of the God Woman.<br /><br />According to the Tholkappiam, in the pre-sangam era - that is, some two and a half thousand years back from now - right here in Tamil Nadu lived the people, who before any hunt worshiped a forest dwelling goddess called Kotravai. This Kotravai was an all powerful lady god, who rode an awesome lion, wielded mighty weapons and bestowed great strength and luck to her devotees. Some scholars are of the opinion that it is this Kotravai who later became idolised as Kali, Shakthi and Amman. Literature has proven that Kotravai predates all the other male and female gods that we now know of…. Siva, Vishnu, Brahma, Skanda... the entire pantheon post-dates Kotravai.<br /><br />Not only the Tamils, all the ancient people had an equivalent of Kotravai to worship. The Sumatrans had Ishtar. The Egyptians had Isis. The Indo-Aryans had Genetrix.<br /><br />And this God Woman, they believed, favoured their fervour with such high fertility that from an endangered species the humans soon became the endangering species. They outgrew all other animals at such a furious pace that soon resources became so scarce and they were reduced to fighting among themselves for those precious little resources. Land, food, water, women… yes, the women also became a resource to be fought over. And when fighting became the way of life, godliness took a sudden turn.<br /><br />Gone were the days when humans were a precious few and fertility was a prized trait. With so many humans fighting with each other, bravery and warmanship became the new ideals worthy of worship. And since men were the ones involved in fighting the enemies and protecting their clan, Godliness was slowly shifted onto the men. Suddenly, within the last two thousand years male gods began cropping up. Muruga, Thor, Mars and all other male gods all over the world represent this sudden deification of the warrior man. All the major religions that flourished during this era - Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Zoroastrianism, Buddhism and Jainism purported the existence of The One and Only Male God.<br /><br />Yet the Father God worship was only a newfangled thing that would not take a deep root in the human psyche…for the human mind had been so used to looking up to its God Mother for too long. They simply couldn’t let go of the all-empowering God Mother. And so we find the God Mother lingering on quietly but powerfully. She is still worshipped all over the world, in her ancient form and aspect, but as some male god’s consort or mother. Only, now she has earned new names. Some call her Amman, some call her Mary, some call her the Kabba (The Kabba Stone that the Moslems make a pilgrim to was originally a God Mother Idol, you’d be surprised to know).<br /><br />The name, the lineage, the paradigm…all these might have changed. But like they say, ‘the more that the things change, the more they are the same’. And so do the humans continue to believe in God Mother Worship. Jai Matha Ki, you see!Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-60591754598408609752007-04-22T09:50:00.005+05:302008-07-09T23:25:52.205+05:30The Beautiful Mind<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:times new roman;font-size:130%;">October 10th is the World Mental Health Day. What better excuse can I have to vent my grouse against the media portrayal of the Mentally Ill?!<br /><br />For the mentally ill have suddenly become the oft-portrayed characters on both the small as well as the big screen. Almost all the television soaps sport a character who is mentally ill. Many films have explored the life of the insane. While one is happy that the media is giving so much attention to mental health, the actual presentation of mental illnesses in the media is downright nonsensical and leaves much room for improvement.<br /><br />To this day, mental hospital scenes are depicted as places of chaos, where the green clad patients leap around like monkeys, indulge in all kinds of buffoonery, talk like grown up babies and behave like utter idiots. In real life though there is no mental hospital today where patients behave in any way similar to what is shown in the television or the movies. Insane though they are, the patients still are and behave like humans….not at all like the half-cracked up caricatures that are depicted by the entertainment industry.<br /><br />Films and teleserials also depict the mentally ill as dangerous people. Most films tell tales of the Mentally ill hero going around killing every Tom, Dick and Harry at the drop of a hat. In reality though, most murders are committed by only the so-called sane people; the insane never indulge in such planned violence.<br /><br />Another major rubbish that is presented in the movies is the abject bleakness of the life of the mentally ill person. According to the Tamil films a mentally ill person will either kill others or kill oneself or do both. There is no other productive activity in his/her life. From Alavandaan to Anniyan, all films make the same mistake of showing the mentally ill person as being permanently malicious. This is completely untrue. In reality most mentally ill persons are absolutely harmless. Many are married, gainfully employed and lead such near-perfect lives that no one apart from their closest family members can make out that they are psychologically ill.<br /><br />And the worst rubbish shown in such movies is the alleged incurability of mental illnesses. Admittedly certain long-term, genetically deep-seated mental illnesses are difficult to cure, but the vast majority of mental illnesses are all quite easy to conquer. The kind of sophisticated medications that we fortunately have today have made mental illnesses quite treatable. Depression, Mania, Anxiety, repeated bad thoughts, sleeplessness, impotence, fears, panic, chronic aches and pains, bad marriage, child rearing difficulties….you name it and it is all curable. Yet the media goes on with the once-mentally-ill-always-mentally-ill kind of myth.<br /><br />But that is the not the worst! There is yet another gibberish in Indian movies…..the mentally ill hero of the movies always falls in love with his psychiatrist. If the psychiatrist is an old man, then the daughter of the psychiatrist. No daughter, then at least the niece of the psychiatrist! Romantic as these love-pairings may be to the audience, such cinematised doctor-patient dalliances are down right idiotic. No doctor in his/her right senses would encourage such non-professional liaisons, for to the true doctor the patients are like one’s own children and any erotic involvement with one’s patients is considered incestuous and unethical. And kudos to the mentally ill persons….even in the heights of insanity, they know that the doctor is sacrosanct.<br /><br />But films are only made for entertainment, we don’t have to take it so seriously, a media enthusiast may well argue….but you know what, research as consistently shown that watching something be it on film, or real can change the human mind. Because the human mind is designed on a see it-do it-learn it model, it learns things even from a medium that is supposed to be offer only entertainment. More violence is reported in children who watch televised violence scenes than those who watch Mickey Mouse.<br /><br />The unknown artist who made his burnt-clay dolls in the long buried city of Mohenjadaro or Harappa would only have considered his doll-making as an expression of his creativity. But today, we rate that culture’s merit based on his doll-making! Likewise the movie-maker of today may make his movie only to express his creativity, or just to make some money…..but in the course of history, this culture will also be rated based on what he has created. And it is only a civilised culture that avoids hurting the sensibilities of its citizens.<br /><br />Nearly thirty to forty percent of the general population has some psychological illness or the other. With proper treatment, they would all become better. But even if the treatment is offered free, many people hesitate to consult a psychiatrist, because they fear such consultation will confirm that they are one of those ‘dangerous, permanently damaged buffoons’, shown on TV or the movie. That is how much bad media representation can hurt the sensibilities of the people.<br /><br />Also consider the effect that such media representation would have on a person who is now on treatment for his/her mental ailment…. let me give you an example.<br /><br />Name Undisclosed is a young college student who had battled with a schizophrenic illness but became better with medications. He happened to watch a very popular Tamil film and the very next day he reported with complaints of sleeplessness and fear of becoming ‘mad’ again. When enquired he revealed that the movie he had seen the previous day had scared him with its contents. In the movie, the hero loses his control along with his sanity and goes around killing people, yelling in high decibels and generally behaving in a very undignified manner. “Will I also become like that doctor? Will this illness make me lose my dignity?” He asked so pathetically. He was reassured that “the makers of such insensible movies were all Class One Dumb Idiots who do not know the A B C D of mental illnesses. They have finished all their stories about the Extraordinary feats of the Normal Tamil Man. But the problem with being normal is Normal is so boring after a time. And so the moviemakers are all out to create their own genre of the Abnormal Man. Most moviemakers have no knowledge first hand of mental illnesses. They build their grandiose stories based on hearsay, hero-hoisting and imagination, with a profound absence of realism, naturally their depictions would be awful and flawful”…. thus reassured the young man was prescribed a dose of the Beautiful Mind.<br /><br />Now The Beautiful Mind is also a movie. It is also about a man, John Nash, afflicted with a mental illness…. schizophrenia to be precise. But the movie is all about the hero overcoming the illness and winning against all odds, no less than the Noble Prize.<br /><br />Name Undisclosed called up the next day, so full of his joy and hope…he was filled with optimism on seeing the movie that he wanted to share his pleasant thoughts with his doctor. That is what a good movie will do …it makes people hope, trust and grow….I wish I could name one Tamil movie that would have the same effect on the mentally ill person!<br /><br />With some friends in the film industry, we reviewed all the mental-illness-based Tamil films so far made. Of the hundreds of movies thus reviewed, only a paltry two films passed the test. One was Ethir Neechal by veteran director K. Balachander in which despite her brief stint in a mental hospital, the heroine is depicted as shining right through life. The other was Pathinaaru Vayathinile, by ace director Bharathiraja, in which the mentally retarded Chappani overcomes the oddities in his life with determination.<br /><br />Only two movies! In such a big film industry that makes so many mental-illness-based movies per year….you wonder? Ah, that’s the whole point!<br /><br />Mental illnesses are depicted very unfavourably in the movies. But with the audience becoming more discerning, let’s hope the moviemakers learn their lesson and grow up to make some civilised movies, at least on the mentally ill.<br /><br /><br /><br /></span></div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-48784207706428835482007-04-22T09:46:00.003+05:302008-07-09T23:29:08.326+05:30The Malaysian Man<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:times new roman;font-size:130%;">Malaysia is a beautiful country. One could write pages and pages about its various places of interest but then, all this can be read up from any encyclopaedia or downloaded from the net. What I’d really like to focus upon, is this man that I met in Kuala Lumpur.<br /><br />I did not notice him at first. I was busy ogling the street scenes that swept past the bus window and exchanging remarks with my friend. As the bus consumed the miles, I tried to strike up a conversation with my Malay neighbour, “Can you please tell us when we reach Masjid India?” The pretty lady shook her head and said apologetically, “No English, Bahasa only”. Just when I was turning away with disappointment, I caught the eyes of this said man. He was watching us with a smile. Just the looks of him and I knew he was a Tamil. The chocolate complexion, the ‘I-know-your-lingo’ looks, the friendly countenance…Ah! To meet your own kind, especially in a foreign land! Our team of peregrinators gave him a unanimous delighted smile. Luckily for us, he was getting down at Masjid India too. At his signal we merrily hopped out of the bus and followed him like the dutiful mice scampering after the Piper.<br /><br />He led us deftly through the confusing trail, pointed out at the Parliament, the Indian market, the stadium, etc., stopping only to click snaps at vantage points. He gave us quick descriptions about the various landmarks, shared with us the must-know for tourists, garnished with the right dose of humour and biographical details. Soon we reached Jalan Masjid India. He guided us to the ultimate shopper’s paradise: Hanifa stores. Eager to commence shopping, we turned to thank him for his kindness. We assumed that he would part and proceed with whatever work he had for the day. But he seemed to be in no hurry, “Finish your shopping, I’ll wait”. We were taken aback; God knows how much time we’d take to shop!<br /><br />We tried to explain and politely persuaded him to get on his way, but he stayed put. Anyway we were too eager to shop and could not spare time to think any further. As we jostled up and down the jam-packed aisles, our T-shirt clad Santa Claus kept sensing our needs and guided us to the right spots. In a way, we were grateful to have this grown up Boy Scout around. He was our Malay spokesperson, our security guard, the authority on what to buy and how much to pay, our carrier of heavy bags….he was so helpful!<br /><br />But then- didn’t he have other things to do? How could he just let total strangers like us, swallow up his time and energy? Every one of us will surely be courteous and helpful to hapless tourists, but wasn’t this a bit too hyper helpful? We were in a foreign land and trust was a costly commodity that had to be judiciously spent. There were women in our team, we had money on us and expensive items had been purchased. Although we did not voice it, we all kept exchanging paranoid looks. We started looking for signs of deceit. We could not find any, he looked like a perfect gentleman, his demeanour was entirely dignified and his only gratification seemed to be our common language. He was too good to be true.<br /><br />When hunger won over our acquisitiveness, the feverish shopping spree came to an end and we chemotaxied towards an Indian restaurant. A pseudo-friendly Sardar offered us greasy chappathis and unappetizingly priced sabjis. We sat down to have our Thanks Giving Meal with our friendly neighbourhood Malay man.<br /><br />Towards the end of the meal, we exchanged addresses with our Mr. KL, hinting subtly at the end of our time together. But the hint went wide off its mark. Sans any postprandial lethargy, he zestfully marched us to yet another shopping complex. This time the shopping was not frantic but the need to get away from this overzealous Good Samaritan was. Sight seeing and shopping were relegated to the end of our list, all we could think of was rest and some limb-stretch. We pleaded tiredness, heaviness of the purchases and even bankruptcy. But our honorary guide would not hear of it. He wheedled us to one spot after the other, “You must see the Chinese area la. The nightlife there is beautiful. In the evenings, the streets are lit up……..”<br /><br />“Please, we’ll see all that some other time, we’re too tired now. Let’s call it a day”, the least tolerant among us asserted and before he could reply, hurriedly hailed a cab. We hastily piled into the Toyota and turned to thank our Man Friday for his time and help. But much to our chagrin, he also climbed into the cab, “ I’ll get down on the way.”<br /><br />He did not, he accompanied us all the way back to the hotel, helped us carry our huge cases into our room and enquired about our plans for the next day. We were alarmed. His helpfulness was all fine, but why would someone go out of his way to help a bunch of strangers, what was the motive? While we bartered looks pregnant with sinister meanings, the alpha male of our team, quietly led the man out, ostensibly for a drink. With the subject of our predicate safely out of earshot, we verbalised our doubts freely.<br /><br />“He does not look like a bad sort, perhaps he is just lonely.”<br />“Lonely for women’s company?”<br />“Aw! Come on- he is as cordial to the ladies as he is to the men.”<br />“May be it is our Tamil.”<br />“He said he’s travelled all over the world, may be that’s why he understands our plight”<br />“It must have been his day out and he just joined our fun for the heck of it.”<br />“May be we remind him of his children.”<br /><br />While we were still debating, our alpha male returned, without our Malay Man. Before we could ask, he pronounced his verdict, “Seems to be a genuinely nice guy. He was only trying to help us. But he had me worried- I mean how can anybody be so good?!.”<br /><br />On hearing that, I de javu’ised what my paediatrician friend Preetha had once told me, “It is easy to understand why a person is bad – the reasons are obvious. But it is very difficult to understand why a person is good. There seems to be no reason at all for being good. Good simply is.” </span></div><div align="justify"><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;font-size:130%;">I had not quite understood what she had said then. But now, I think I do.</span></div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-87257532656016946792007-04-21T23:15:00.003+05:302008-05-31T03:40:41.218+05:30The BIG and the small<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:times new roman;">Scene One: The Park Avenue in midtown Manhattan supposedly the most prestigious of addresses. We were staying in one of the glitzy five star hotels right on the Park Avenue…. you know one of those grand de la grand hotels that have gold tinted mirrors in the elevators and gold polished faucets in the bathroom.<br /><br />We were attending a medical conference in this hyper opulent hotel. And we were told this particular hotel was specifically chosen because it was in the middle of everything that was worth seeing in New York. The Empire State Building was a few blocks this way, the Central Park was a few yards that way, the Rockefeller Building was just a few metres away and the Grand Central Station was a few feet the other way.<br /><br />But we had so little time to spend sight seeing. The conference was so jam packed with so many sessions that the only time we had to ourselves was after 5.30 pm. But the Empire State Building would be closed for visitors after that…. and we were all so keen on seeing this Wonder of the World.<br /><br />And so it was decided that we’d spend our lunch break wisely…as soon as the meeting broke for lunch we’d all rush to the Empire State Building, quickly look over the wonder and rush back in time for lunch and the afternoon sessions. Likewise immediately after we dispersed for lunch, we ran across the fifth avenue all eager to behold the big building. Once we entered the Wonder Building, we ogled around and walked over to the ticket counter. There a wise guy in our team had a brilliant idea. He said “For seventeen dollars we get to take a virtual plane ride through the city of New York and also see this Building. Only ten minutes…let’s all do the virtual city tour too!”<br /><br />He wheedled, coerced and peddled the idea so vehemently that we all agreed to join the show…it turned out to be some dumb video show fit to amuse kids below six years or less. And we had wasted some precious ten minutes. Yet politely as would befit psychiatrists we withheld out collective irritation at the wise man that gave this stupid idea and walked over to the elevator to go to the top of the Wonder Building. From the top we could see the green patch of the Central Park, the Blue silhouette of the Statue of Liberty and the many skyscrapers of Manhattan.<br /><br />We swarmed back into the elevator, went down and out of the building and walked back to the hotel. Being the faster walker of the lot, I outpaced my gang and went into the hotel, all hungry and thirsty. I walked into the banquet hall where our lunch was to be served…and to my big surprise, all the tables were cleared and there was no food on the buffet. There was a lone steward tending to the empty tables, I walked up to him, showed him my identity badge, introduced myself and explained that a bunch of us were yet to have our lunch. We were all the delegates attending the meeting and this lunch had been specifically arranged for us…. naturally we expected our share of the lunch to be saved up…we were just on time for lunch anyway.<br /><br />But the steward gave me a superciliary look, pointed at his watch and said “Lunch time is just over”. Superciliary look my foot, I stared back at him and said very clearly, “But we are hungry. Let us have our lunch.” He went back him and brought a senior steward, now this guy looked up and down at me and finally said, “All the food is over.”<br /><br />I was taken aback, “I am sure you arranged food for all of us. But most of us have not eaten. Surely there must be something remaining”<br /><br />Senior steward looked at me, I looked back at him very determinedly. Finally he said in chaste Americanese, “Well, there is some soup left”<br /><br />“Fine, let us have that”<br /><br />By then the rest of my team had arrived, but all that we were given to eat was some soup and left over bread. This, in the finest of five star hotels in the heart of the wealthiest city.<br /><br />Scene two: Another five star hotel in Kuala Lumpur. This hotel offered us bed and breakfast deals only and so we had to find our own means of food for lunch and dinner. Luckily right opposite the hotel was a street corner food shop run by some immigrant Tamils. All the days that we stayed in KL we had sumptuous parotas and cold Milos under the awnings of this street side restaurant, enjoying our lingua madarasi conversations with the restaurant personnel. The restaurant owner gave us many useful tips on The Best Place to Shop, The Must See Places and The Must Do Things in KL, etc.<br /><br />On the last day of our stay in KL we had our Last Lunch at this restaurant. But one of our team members had been so bitten by the shopping bug that he had spent too much time at the malls and missed the lunch. He arrived two hours after our regular lunchtime laden with shopping bags but complaining of “Semma Pasi”.<br /><br />We took him to our street corner restaurant. The owner looked up and asked, “So late? But we’re closed. Not had food yet?”<br /><br />“No, lost track of time shopping. Anything to eat?”<br /><br />“Sure”. He pulled up chairs for everyone. Brought some chappathi and sambar for the late eater and mugs of Cold Milo for the rest.<br /><br />“What combination is this? Chappathi and sambar?” The late eater made a face as he munched the food.<br /><br />Without much ado the restaurant man said, “I am sorry…it is not restaurant food. This is my lunch…”<br /><br />We looked up at the man in surprise, “Your lunch…but what will you eat? You should have told us!! We would have gone elsewhere”<br /><br />“No big deal. Please go on and eat. I’ll manage”<br /><br />And so we resumed our regular chatter. When the meal was over we got up, said ‘thanks’ and paid up the bill. But on seeing the bill we noticed that the chappathi and sambar had not been charged. We promptly brought that to the notice of the hotelier.<br />“I know.” He said nonchalantly. “It is not hotel food….that’s why I didn’t charge it”<br /><br />This, in a street corner eatery in some obscure developing nation.<br /><br />The smallness of the big and the bigness of the small…. it never ceases to amaze me!</span></div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-78823564059588751152007-04-21T23:09:00.002+05:302008-07-09T23:33:15.110+05:30Ode to the teacher<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:times new roman;"><span style="font-size:130%;">Come teacher’s day and it is a time-honoured tradition to reminisce about one’s teachers. Many teachers have come and gone in my long years of student hood, all of them have taught me things from the various text books, but the teachers that I always remember are the ones who taught me things that are never written down in text books.<br /><br />Well, there was this teacher that I had in my very early days of schooling. Her name was Julie something but the little kid that I was, I remember her only as Julie Miss. I happened to be a good student then, but during one of the exams, I fell sick and went off to school with a high fever. I had to write down the Tamil alphabet and I do not know if it was because of my low IQ or the high fever, but suddenly I forgot all about a, aa, e, ee. There I was sitting with a confused look on my face….and this Julie miss just appeared beside me like a guardian angel, looked at my face and without a word, pulled out the pencil from numb fingers, scribbled the entire alphabet on the exam paper and said, “It’s OK, you go home now.” Even my febrile disoriented brain, knew what she did was not exactly right….a teacher ought not to help a student like that, when the exam is specifically meant to test the student’s memory skills. But Julie Miss was more concerned about my health than the meaning of exams. That was the first non-text-book lesson of my life: Rules are all fine, but humanity and kindness come first.<br /><br />Teachers capable of instilling such profound lessons must be a rarity, for it took a few more years for me to learn my next such lesson. We were studying in Sixth Standard D section then, D for Devils as my class teacher used to tell us ever so often! Our regular history teacher was on leave and we had a substitute Miss. This new teacher found us too devilish and decided we needed to be punished. So we all had to Stand Up On The Bench for her. But she still found ‘some noise coming’ and decided to increase the degree of the punishment, by taking us all to the Principal for admonishment.<br /><br />I happened to be on the first row on the right, next to Shiny and Satish. Shiny being the first, she had the privilege of leading the line to the Principal’s Office. The teacher gave Shiny a stern look and said “Get Down and stand in the line”. That was enough to make Shiny cry. But tears did not seem to help, Shiny was made to leave the class and stand outside. Next it was Satish’s turn. He tried to buy time, fidgeting and pleading, but the teacher seemed clear in her intentions…so Satish got off the bench and went to stand behind Shiny. “Next” the teacher said, turning to look at me. Well, it seemed certain that we’ll all meet the Principal that day, and since there were two people ahead of me in the line, I did not see any point in wasting time on the bench. I jumped off the desk and went to stand behind Satish. The teacher was furious. She called me back and asked, “Are you not afraid of going to the Principal’s Room?” I shook my head and said “No”<br /><br />Why would I be afraid of my own Principal! Our Princi Mrs. Mohana Chandrasekaran was to me the Role Model Woman; she was so cool, smart and so kind…. I simply loved to look at her! And when the entire class was there to add safety in numbers I really did not see it as scary at all.<br /><br />That I was not afraid of my Principal seemed to make the new teacher livid with rage. She withdrew the ‘Stand up on the bench’ and ‘going to the principal’ punishments and made the entire class write “I will not make noise in the Class” twenty five times. For me though, the imposition was for a hundred times. The twenty five times writing took less time, so the others left…and there I was sitting all alone and painfully writing “I will not make noise in the class” a hundred times.<br /><br />My English teacher noticed my solitary writing and entered the class to enquire why I was still there. When I explained the problem Miss Malathy Ramaswamy who for God knows what reason had a good opinion about me, became very upset. “It is Ok for you to be fearless my dear, but sometimes, you must at least pretend to be afraid…otherwise people take it as a challenge and become all the more cruel.”<br /><br />That was lesson number two: That Discretion is the better part of valour.<br /><br />The third lesson came about when I was in my ninth standard of school. Again it was a Tamil exam and we were to write a composition on the Beautiful Landscapes of Kutralam. I was in the peak of adolescence then, even otherwise I was the cranky kid with naughty ideas…and Tamil was so difficult, it had three Naa’s, three Laa’s and two Raa’s- I never knew which came where! It was only my first year with Tamil as a Second Language, writing a full composition was so daunting a task….so I ended up writing a Tamil film song that describes the mystic beauty of nature, interspersed with my comments on that song. The exam was written and the paper submitted when my classmates told me that the Tamil Teacher was the strictest person in the entire campus. She was a no-nonsense lady, who also happened to be the Vice principal of the school. When I mentioned my film-based composition, my seniors gave me a gloomy look. “What have you done? She’ll surely issue you a TC now!” The entire class was anxious, nobody had ever got a TC before and everyone wanted to know how exactly it was done.<br /><br />A few days later, the Tamil teacher walked in with the exam papers. The whole class became charged with suspense and I became the cynosure of all eyes. The teacher called out each student’s name and handed the corrected papers. My turn came, I walked up to her with a leaden heart…she did not even look up, just handed the paper. What did that mean, would the TC be given later? Confused I went back to my seat and threw the dreaded test paper on the desk. My neighbour picked up the paper and opened it. “Ah! This can’t be!” she immediately exclaimed. What the….I took a look and to my greatest disbelief the Tamil Film Song with all its spelling mistakes was scored 15/15 with a Very Good beside it! My entire class was disappointed….there was no TC for one and film songs were being marked Very Good, that too by a teacher who was supposed to be a strict disciplinarian. And to top it all, at the end of the class, the teacher called me aside and gave me instructions to participate in the next upcoming Tamil Poetry Competition. I was completely stumped! But managed to grasp the lesson that Mrs. Kalyani Varadharajan, so casually taught me: to look beyond the obvious flaws and find the inner beauty in life.<br /><br />Lesson number four happened when I was in the twelfth standard. We the students were to organise a Science Exhibition. My team was assigned to make a model of the Cave Habitat. Our Biology teacher provided us the chart papers, paints and brushes to make the cave. Our team armed with the painting paraphernalia bent over the many pieces of chart and tried to colour it cave brown. Losing patience with the little brushes and their sparse strokes, I just sprinkled paints of different kinds on the paper and smeared it all with my hand. “Look, this is much quicker” I laughed as long stretches of the chart turned cave brown. But my teammates were terrified, “Just wait till Miss sees what you’re up to! This is not the way to do it….” my teammates were protesting when Mrs C. R. Vijayalakshmi, entered the room and walked straight to us. Instantly I hid my hand behind and waited for the scolding that was sure to come. Of all the charts laying on the table, the teacher picked up the ones that I had hand painted and asked, “Who did this?” All the girls turned to me and I was literally caught brown-handed. The teacher took one look at my hand and said, “Wonderful. Now finish the rest quickly” and walked away to inspect the other projects. I was flabbergasted and my teammates were shocked! But the lesson I learnt that day was: it’s Ok to be non-conformist, as long as one gets the job down well.<br /><br />After the twelfth standard school days ended. I was off to one Medical College after the other to become a doctor and then a psychiatrist. Medical colleges had no teachers; only tutors, lecturers and professors. Of course the tutors, lecturers and professors were much more qualified and learned than my schoolteachers. But when it came to teaching lessons for life, my schoolteachers were simply the very best! To them I owe all.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></div></span>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-67960573309302913632007-04-21T22:36:00.003+05:302008-04-02T00:42:31.858+05:30A Rose by any other coloursix year old ram insisted that he have a bath everyday- even when he was sick. Not that it was unusual in anyway - but living in the ever cold northern hemisphere as he was, his sudden cleanliness frenzy seemed odd. Ram took to scrubbing himself repeatedly and kept smelling himself often. His mother dismissed his new fad as a passing phase. But she could not likewise dismiss his poor show at school. His latest report card left much to be desired and that was something very atypical. His drooping grades made his mother pull him up for a gentle "trouble shooting talk". It was then that Ram found the courage to ask, "Mom, do brown people stink?" The mother was alarmed, "who said so?". "Them boys at school. They keep teasing me, say I'm brown, so I'd stink...tch! I wish i were not<em> brown.</em> I wanna be blonde like them" said Ram in chaste Americanese. The mother was upset. As a lone brown kid in an international schook, she knew her son would have to face such discriminations bravely. His quivering voice made her want to reach out and smoothen his troubles - but she did not know how, she could not change his skin colour, could she?Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-82249054360253694902007-04-21T22:30:00.002+05:302008-07-09T23:32:02.870+05:30Our Paals, the strongest!<div align="justify"><span style="font-family:times new roman;font-size:130%;">Come March 8th and it is a time-honoured tradition that we celebrate the International Women’s Day by singing the praises of some Great Woman who <span style="color:#000000;">has achieved Something</span> Truly Great. Let me toe that conventional line and sing the glories of my Favourite Woman Achiever.<br /><br />Her name was Shantha, but not a single soul in all of the Post Graduate Medical Students’ Ladies Hostel knew her real name. She was better known as Paals, short for Paalkaramma.<br /><br />Paals was that typical village belle, that precise symmetry of her well toned body, that charming chocolate complexion, those natural steaks of bleached hair on her otherwise black alli mudinja kondai, those fine-as-porcelain delicate white teeth….a little more effort and she would have been a real beauty. But then Paals was a widow who believed that a self-respecting widow should make an attempt to look as unsightly as possible. And so we always found her dressed in faded blouses and thread bare kandaangi sarees. She was frankly indifferent to her appearance.<br /><br />She was a thorough bred illiterate who hailed from a long line of illiterates from a tiny village near Madurai. As was the custom in her village she had been married off to her cousin immediately after she became a big girl. Which must have been when she was fourteen years old or so. This husband of hers turned out to be a daytime gambler, a nighttime drunkard and a part time wife beater. Yet he had been an expert in all other aspects of husbandry and soon after marriage Paals had become pregnant.<br /><br />Illiterate, young, pregnant and naïve as Paals had been, she expected her husband to change into a good man one fine day…but that fine day never came. Every day was as unfine as the other with her husband regularly battering her for money. Paals had had no one to turn to. She came from a family which considered women burdens, so much so that killing the baby girls as soon as they were born was an everyday non-incident in her village.<br /><br />Going back to her parents for help was unthinkable….yet putting up with her cruel husband was unbearable too. Not knowing what to do, but very sure that she did not want to continue suffering her marriage Paals walked away. I mean just walked away…. all the way from her village to the next town. With whatever little money she had she boarded a bus to Madurai.<br /><br />Impulsive, rash, unplanned though her decision had been, she was clear on one thing….never again would she contemplate living with her husband. Enough was enough! Or so she thought when she reached Madurai, the strange city of which she had only heard. She knew no one there. She had no money on her. She was weak with hunger and the fatigue of the long journey. And to make matters worse as soon as she landed there she started having labour pains.<br /><br />Some kind passers-by rushed her to the government hospital. The doctors there examined her and told her it was only false labour pains…she still had three months to go before her delivery. Three months to go…and there Paals was with nowhere to go. She ambled out of the labour ward wondering what she would do next…when she noticed all the mothers-to-be calling out in pain and gasping out for “something to drink” with their mouths parched sand-paper-dry, what with their hoarse labour- yellings. Immediately Paals seized on the idea and spoke to the ayahs in the ward. She told them her sad story and pleaded for some money. With the money that she thus collected she purchased a bulk quantity of milk and went around the labour ward selling it to the mouth-dry-mothers-to-be.<br /><br />She must have been quite a sight to behold. A fifteen-year-old wisp of a girl, with her fully pregnant tummy walking around the wards selling milk! The very sight of her would have melted the hearts of the women therein…it is no surprise then that Paals new business picked up fast. So fast that Paals ran into trouble with the established male vendors of the hospital, who found their clientele getting quickly siphoned off by this upstart female entrepreneur. They ganged up together and told her that selling milk - not only milk, peanuts, eggs, rose murrukku and sundal – for by this time, Paals had diversified her modest business, without a license in a government hospital was a big crime. If she did not stop it immediately she would be sent to prison, or so she was told.<br /><br />But then Paals was a never-say-die-kind-of-person who could swing her greatest weapons – her well endowed lachrymal glands – into action anytime she had a problem. The prison threat brought on a Great Deluge of tears and a big wail of Oppari. Her loud oppari made the doctors rush out to see what was so wrong in the labour ward. One look at her brimming eyes and the brimmier tummy…. all the doctors joined together to shoo away the men who were harassing the poor little pregnant girl. From then on, Paals became the doctors’ pet and was given unspoken unlimited access into the hospital premises. She and she alone was permitted to sell anything, anywhere, anytime. With the entire Department of Obstetrics and Gynaecology backing her so strongly, Paals soon became the unrivalled Paalkaramma of Government Rajaji Hospital, Madurai.<br /><br />It was then that she had her real labour pains and gave birth to a little one. On seeing the post card that announced the news (written by a benevolent nurse), Paals’ mother rushed to her daughter’s bedside. But when she noticed that the newborn was only a female, the grandmother was very concerned. “Did we need another burden now of all the times! You better feed her some paddy kernels…. she’ll be gone in a minute. No one needs to know that you ever had her. Let me see if I can get you remarried…”<br /><br />But Paals did not find the courage to feed her daughter with the paddy kernels. Nor she thought, did she have the courage to raise the kid single handedly. Not knowing what to do, she just let the child be, without feeding it…hoping it would die on its own.<br /><br />But die the child did not…it cried so loudly, so continuously that the whole ward turned to look at Paals…the girl who provided milk to the entire hospital but refused to do the same to her own child. The nurse noticed the commotion and commanded that Paals feed the infant. Unable to stick to her resolve, Paals finally relented and began to feed her baby.<br /><br />The moment she started feeding the baby, Paals said she felt everything change inside her. She began to realise that without her daughter her life would have no meaning…. her sudden insight gave her a new strength. “For you I’ll live,” she had told her baby daughter and the very words filled her mind with a new sense of purpose.<br /><br />With renewed enthusiasm she resumed her one-woman-milk-business. The other little woman tucked into her mother’s saree, won so much admiration and sympathy that soon, Paals was offered a job at the Ladies Hostel.<br /><br />In the beginning Paals job at the hostel had been about ayyahing around only…. but by the time I joined the hostel as a post graduate student, Paals had risen in her ranks and was the unofficial Dean cum presiding deity of the Ladies Hostel. Her daughter had by then become a beautiful sixteen-year-old.<br /><br />Soon after my arrival in that hostel, Paals and I became close pals. As the hostel secretary cum resident psychiatrist, my room became her first port of call whenever she was in distress. And by definition, distress to Paals would be any move made by anyone that could potentially weaken Paals hold over the hostel. A new mess man who refused to let her sell her Sunday special delicacies, because it made his business pale; a cable TV guy who volunteered to get pots from the market to store cool water; the paper boy who wanted to buy old papers from the hostel….. wherever there was money to be made, Paals made sure no one entered her territory.<br /><br />And needless to say, she had a magical way with money….a pot that normally cost ten rupees in the market would become twenty rupees apiece when Paals got it for us. Sunday special chicken made by the mess man would cost twenty rupees and it was made in God Knows What Kind Of Oil. But if you asked Paals to cook it for you, she would do it right in front of you, with the best oil and what’s more, it would cost only fifteen rupees per person.<br /><br />It was not that we were blind to her guiles…but we let Paals be because, we liked her too much. She was money-sharp and word-blunt, but if one of us fell sick Paals would be the first person to rush to our aid, give us a dose of native treatment and straighten us out for our next day’s non stop stint in the wards…. all this was for free.<br /><br />Her end of the day relaxation routine was to sit beside me during my solitary meals and share her life’s little dreams with me. Dream One was to get her daughter married. Dream Two was to get her daughter married well. Dream Three was to get her daughter married so well that no one would deride the bride for not having a father. Paals life was all about getting her daughter married. Period.<br /><br />One day she announced to us that her dreams were finally going to turn true…. she had found a suitable boy for her darling daughter. The boy was a relative of hers who worked somewhere in the Gulf Countries. The wedding was to be held in her village. She would arrange a bus for all the doctors in the hostel to go to the wedding…and no, we could not arrange or pay for our own bus. It was her daughter’s wedding and she and she only would arrange for the bus. We only had to board the bus and go to the wedding.<br /><br />We decided to humour her and the whole lot of us boarded the special bus. At the outskirts of her village we were made to get down, Paals told us cheerfully that we could walk our way into the village. “But it is one kilometre away. The road is good, why can’t we go by bus?” we were curious to know.<br /><br />“No ma, I’m telling you, this is better. We’ll walk” so saying she led us on a merry procession, showing us off to her dumbstruck villagers who just could not believe that so many doctors were coming from the city just to attend Paals’ daughter’s wedding. Ah, but then, Paals and her shrewdness never surprised us!<br /><br />We also realised that we the doctors were officially filling the gap of the long dead bride’s father. Paals always had worried that people in her village would take her and her daughter for a ride because she had no one to back her, no men to ward off dangers…. we were her pseudomen, the powerful city doctors who would protect Paals to posterity.<br /><br />Once we realised our role, we played it to the full. We met up with the mother-in-law-character, who looked like she needed some veiled threats anyway. We gave her an earful on how powerfully connected we city doctors were, and how we would do anything for Paals and her daughter.<br /><br />That done, with a grateful smile Paals took us around to show all the seer items that she had given her daughter. The poor woman with her modest means could have given off only some simple seers…. but we did not want to hurt her and so went along to see the seer…and lo! Crammed in the room was the grandest seer I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Iron, steel, brass, bronze, copper, terracotta, plastic, aluminium, wood, glass…. you name it and it was there. From big cupboards to small hooks- she had bought everything under the sun. It was like the bridal shower of a princess, no less! And Paals was only a lowly servant. How much she must have worked and saved, to give her daughter this great bonanza.<br /><br />“How is it ma? Is it ok? What do you think?” Paals was eager for some appreciation. Poor Paals…this had been her life’s dream. We were only too happy to shower praises on her, “Well done Paals. It’s all so terrific. We’re sure the entire village is astonished to see all this. How come we never realised you were so rich!”<br /><br />Paals beamed with pride. After all it was the day her dreams had come true. All three of them.<br /><br />Her dreams might have been small time and simple. But considering that she started out with practically nothing, not even an education or the support of her own family, Paals’ success to me seems truly great. Just a milk-seller and an ayyah, she might have been, but to me, she has always been a Role Model on How Women Should Be. Our Paals the strongest!</span></div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3768458368997649779.post-89302604693895848742007-04-21T22:26:00.002+05:302008-07-09T23:26:56.340+05:30The shrink and the client<div align="justify"><span style="color:#000000;"><br /><span style="font-family:times new roman;font-size:130%;">Perhaps, it has happened many times to many people in the mind mending profession, but the first time it happened to me, I was suitably stumped. Well, there was this lanky young software professional who was so sociophobic that he decided to attend a soft skills training programme at my centre. There I was diligently training him in assertiveness, emotional intelligence, transactional analysis, kinaesthetics, etcetera etcetera, when one fine day he announced a new problem. He was having trouble concentrating at work, as he was obsessed with the image of a woman…. And with many a hiccup he blurted out that the woman haunting him so was me. He painfully professed the deepest love he had ever felt and I for once was speechless!<br /><br />As I lapsed into Mode Mute, busy racing through my mental algorithm trying to figure out the best possible management of this emotional malady, the patient exhausted his rendering and looked up at last. I promptly told him that I needed a second opinion from a senior psychiatrist regarding this new complication and bid him adieu for the moment. I consulted my mentor and put forward the great idea of referring the patient off to him. Mentor mine refused to be saddled with Mindwreck mine. He predicted that I would have to handle more such similar complications in my psychiatristyears ahead and advised me to psychoanalyse this and such other patients out of this Appreciation Superfluxitis. Which I did. But during the course of this Transference Management I inadvertently slipped into bouts of deep introspection. And could not help but ponder over how my male colleagues handle the converse of my situation.<br /><br />I had of course heard earfuls about doctor- patient dalliances, of various degrees of trespass from various sources. There are umpteen non-specific hearsays of male doctors making lewd innuendoes to their trusting lady patients. Specific cases include this particular lady who whimpered about her previous psychiatrist’s polite request to fellatiate him. Then there was this social welfare officer who expressed disgust at the indecent proposal made by a psychiatrist to a recently bereaved widow. Reports also abound about this senior shrink who in the name of an in camera Mental Status Examination, makes furtive groping of the sound bodies of unsound minded women. There are, I hear, quite a few shrinks who go on to the extent of establishing non-therapeutic alliances with their clients, some all the way up to marriage. Also around is some news about gay doctor- patient liaisons.<br /><br />Conspicuous as the male slant of the graph seems, one wonders if the women patients in all these instances were truly guileless or is it the case of cotton instigating the fire. For there are also many reports of female patients offering more than just their minds for examination.<br /><br />The other dimension is the less remarked about lady doctor versus male patient relationship. Does the paucity of grapevinery about such liaison merely indicate paucity of practising lady psychiatrists? Or as many lady psychiatrists confide- troublesome male clients are more likely to turn crude and play, “Me Tarzan, you Jane”, kind of who’s-the-boss-here games. Does such machismo cause more irritation than ignition of passion, which then by negative feed back seals off opportunities to indulge in Professional Incest? Or are the lady shrinks too fastidious to consider coquetting male “after all” patients. Or are the ladies too smart to be heard about? Or is it the ‘No Testosterone = No Philandering’ Equation?<br /><br />That made too many questions for Small Mind Mine. I spoke to some very erudite shrinks about this. One of them narrated his experience with a lovelorn lady patient who even on the day of her wedding insisted that the good doctor be there to expunge her grief of marrying someone else.<br /><br />Another shrink told me about his histrionic client who repeatedly let her saree fall off her shoulder. When he nonchalantly ignored the lavish spread, the woman got so pissed off that she called him a “ No Man”. Of course, our man remained completely unruffled.<br /><br />One other male shrink told me about his unwed wrong-side-of-thirty patient who pleaded with him to give her a baby to satiate her maternal longings.<br /><br />There are plenty of stories of sexually frustrated women throwing themselves at their doctors - shrinks or otherwise. As also are instances of shrinks using their bodies rather than their minds to treat sexual dysfunctions of their clients.<br /><br />Such prevalence of this occupational hazard calls for collective introspection on the Other Side of the Shrink-Client Relationship. Why do clients fall for their shrinks? Well the answers range from Positive transference and Negative self Image, to Supplication display, dominance-submissiveness dynamics, people- pleasing tendency, sense of indebtedness, and the lot.<br /><br />Sometimes it so happens that the client does not actually fall for the shrink, but is merely trying to use sexual invitation displays to win favours such as better treatment, lesser fees, more time spent, etc. Such remotivating tactics, ethologists opine is quite common among mammalian, especially the primate, species.<br /><br />That answered, there comes the more important question: Why do shrinks fall for their clients? The answers go all the way from reckless impulse, malnourished ego, porous superego and run-amok hormones, to the “no-one’ll ever know” certainty, intimacy versus isolation complexes and the underlying primeval lust.<br /><br />That also answered, there comes the most important question: is it okay for the shrink to have a toss with his/her client? And this time there are no multiple answers, the unequivocal answer is NO. Whatever the reasons or the explanations, even the perpetrators of such acts consider it immoral and unethical.<br /><br />For plain and simple human beings, abound with basic instincts, we may all be. But when it comes to being a professional mindmender we are expected to transcend above the human realm and take an extrahuman stance. We are to uphold the nobility of our specialty, by practising Professional Impotence. We are expected to be selectively immune to all the temptations of the client - flesh.<br /><br />It goes without saying that such compartmental libidinal cathexis is not easy to come by - to remain keenly reactive to our senses outside of the sexual sphere, yet synchronously suppress the eros in our psyche - is quite an oxymoron in itself. The startling finding is, given the improbability of such selective asexuality, it still happens to be the default mode in a majority of us psychiatrists. And that singular distinction makes me marvel - not at the incidence of sexual indiscretions among shrinks, but the lack of it in the vast majority of us. Kudos people – that makes yet another just reason to be proud of ourselves!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></span></span></div>Dr N Shalinihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00790063925571312626noreply@blogger.com3